Woke up to news of my friend passing away last night. Everyone here has been pretty down about the whole thing, myself included. In a lot of ways I want to get and lash out at, well, whoever is nearby. Fortunately I still have self control and calm introspection keeping me from that sort of stuff. Mostly I feel sad that he didn't listen to me and had to pass away surrounded by strangers in an antiseptic death factory instead of in a position where his friends and family could see him. I can at least say I've been in prepatory prayer for weeks over this so I have some absolution on tlovend.
Neighbor-lass wants to help out and be present for me, but even with that I felt tense and upset. I tried to set that aside for a |ovely hot day on the beach with her and it worked well enough. Things were breezy, but clear skied and beautiful with the sun out. Waters were cool but very inviting, the winds whipped up an unending stream of small waves to swim against. Went at it until I was tired and then brought my swimmate to the beach for some downtime. Did not enjoy the looming feeling that I had to say something or talk at length so we just lounged in the sun, beach completely to ourselves.
Our time was very relaxing and scenic, but getting her back to her place I decided to just fugg off and be by myself instead of spending time with her to take my mind off things. Thankfully she's being understanding of this, but I still feel pretty rough and out of sorts. Tried to make it up to her with some fresh vegetable/fruit juice I'd made in the morning. Mostly just want to go off and meditate, the tension and updating of folks about the passing has given me a headache.
Taste/things to come