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Jewish cuisine and Biblically pious cooking JEWS 08/26/2020 (Wed) 01:30:32 No. 287
"THEY TRIED TO KILL US. THEY FAILED. LET'S EAT" I was invited here to share my cooking. I've been cooking Jewish foods lately, so I'm posting them first. Given 8chan's history, you all should be able to relate to the unofficial motto for Jewish feasts. I expect that I'll be doing most of the posting here, so feel free to ask me things. COOKED 1. Home-baked six-stranded challah. I stopped fucking with sourdough starter as soon as instant yeast was available again and darted straight for the king of breads: challah, or Ashkenazi Sabbath bread, named after the dough offering to be given to the Temple in Jerusalem. It's long been considered the best bread for French toast. Mine mostly follows Lan Lam's tangzhong-based recipe for Cook's Illustrated, adding two egg whites and removing 1/4 cup of water with seeds inside and outside, and as you can see, it's fucking excellent. I intend to try Yemenite breads if I can get my hands on the bakeware they use, but for now, I'm sticking with the best bread I know. 2. Cholent. I made this Ashkenazi-style Sabbath stew, vaguely thought to have originated with French Jews, for the first time on the eve of the Sabbath when some faggot shot people at a synagogue in Pittsburgh; his faggotry motivated me to dust off my family's Ashkenazi traditions. The round thing in the stew is retail stuffed derma or kishka, a bread-and-vegetable sausage that's the best part of the dish. Mine here is after Jamie Geller's with retail challah, short ribs, canned beans, and a shorter cooking time; if you follow her recipe, don't cut the cooking time when you're using dry kidney beans unless you want to asspain your guests. Lately I've been adding farro, lima beans, and sliced chuck to change things up. 3-11. Brisket, potato kugel, latkes, kasha varnishkes, ropa vieja, Yemenite chicken soup with matzo balls, zhug, hilbe, and hawayij. Brisket is one of the few recipes that I actually inherited from my parents; my long-term goal is to use my family's ingredients with a more bulletproof braising method (à la America's Test Kitchen) to make sure it always comes out well (theirs does not). If you want to try one of these before the others, try potato kugel first, it's a latke casserole; I garnish mine with home-grown chives. I blended black garlic into the homemade farfalle for the kasha for a guest and was told it's the best ever. Also, turns out that Cuba's national dish, ropa vieja, was borrowed from Sephardi Jews; my first attempt at cooking it (from Genie Miligrom's recipe) wasn't great, so next time I'll be using the one from the Columbia Restaurant in Florida. Of Joan Nathan's recipes, Yemenite chicken soup was good, zhug was so great that I'm surprised it isn't mainstream, hilbe was strange, and I'm going to put hawayij on my next steak. TO COOK 1. Crypto-Jewish "chuletas", which are a French toast-like concoction that superficially resembles pork chops, supposedly cooked to throw off Spanish Inquisitors. I have the recipe, but I haven't had morning company for breakfast fare during the pandemic. 2-3. Jachnun and kubaneh, the Yemenite Sabbath breads I mentioned above. No recipes or bakeware yet. 4. Italian Jewish style couscous. Edda Machlin's recipe for couscous broth (thurshi?) is so complicated that it has to be fucking delicious. 5. Kibbeh, introduced to me by Mark himself. I need the recipe. 6. Corned beef from scratch, to be sliced and served on the challah, or on a rye loaf baked with flour sent to me by another 8channer. 7. Edda Machlin's Tuscan-style cholent.
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Adapted from <https://www.cooksillustrated.com/recipes/11531-easy-braid-challah> by Lan Lam Ingredients Tangzhong: 1/2 cup water 3 tablespoons bread flour Dough: 3 large eggs 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 3/4 cups (15 1/8 oz) bread flour 1 1/4 teaspoons instant or rapid-rise yeast 1/3 cup sugar 1 teaspoon table salt 1 tablespoon black poppy seeds Vegetable oil spray or olive oil for greasing the stand mixer bowl Egg wash: 1 large egg 2 tablespoons white poppy seeds 2 teaspoons hulled sesame seeds Procedure 1. FOR THE FLOUR PASTE: Whisk water and flour in bowl until no lumps remain. Microwave, whisking every 20 seconds, until mixture thickens to stiff, smooth, pudding-like consistency that forms mound when dropped from end of whisk into bowl, 40 to 80 seconds. 2. FOR THE DOUGH: In bowl of stand mixer, whisk flour paste, egg and yolks, water, and oil until well-combined. Add flour and yeast. Fit mixer with dough hook and mix on low speed until all flour is moistened, 3 to 4 minutes. Let stand for 20 minutes. 3. Add sugar, salt, and black poppy seeds, and mix on medium speed for 9 minutes. Transfer dough to counter and oil the now-empty mixer bowl. Knead dough into ball by hand, then return it to prepared bowl. Lightly spray dough with oil spray and cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rise until about doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours. 4. Line rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper and nest in second rimmed baking sheet if you usually scorch your bottom crust. Transfer dough to counter and roll into 8-inch square, expelling as much air as possible. Follow YouTube instructions for the braid of your choice; I use the traditional six-strand braid, but Lan Lam, the author of the original recipe, uses four strands. Here are her instructions: 4a. Cut dough in half lengthwise to form 2 rectangles. Cut each rectangle in half lengthwise to form 4 equal strips of dough. Roll 1 strip of dough into 16-inch rope. Continue rolling, tapering ends, until strip is about 18 inches long. Repeat with remaining dough strips. Arrange ropes in plus-sign shape, with 4 ends overlapping in center by 1/2 inch. Firmly press center of cross into counter to seal ropes to each other and to counter. 4b. Lift rope at 12 o'clock, bring over center, and place in 5 o'clock position. Lift rope at 6 o'clock and, working toward yourself, bring over center, and place in 12 o'clock position. 4c. Lift rope at 9 o'clock, bring over center, and place in 4 o'clock position. Lift rope at 3 o'clock and, working toward yourself, bring over braid and place in 8 o'clock position. Adjust ropes so they are at 12, 3, 6, and 9 o'clock positions. 4d. Repeat steps 5 and 6, working toward yourself, until you can no longer braid. Loaf will naturally list to 1 side. 5. Pinch ends of ropes together and tuck both ends under braid. Carefully transfer braid to prepared sheets. Cover loosely with plastic and let rise until dough does not spring back when gently pressed with your knuckle, about 3 hours. 6. FOR THE EGG WASH: Thirty minutes before baking, adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Whisk together egg and salt. Brush loaf with egg wash and sprinkle with white poppy seeds and sesame seeds. Bake, without convection, and under an aluminum foil tent if the oven is small, until loaf is deep golden brown, 40 minutes; according to Lan LAm, it will be done when it registers at least 195 degrees, but we're baking bread and not meat. Let cool on sheets for 20 minutes. Transfer loaf to wire rack and let cool completely before slicing, about 2 hours.
I love challah bread. I like to make it for Thanksgiving or Christmas and then turn part or it into bread pudding.
Super young russian jewish lady and husband make some bomb challah bread on market day.
>>287 looks pretty good
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More challot. >>287 with whole wheat flour, honey, and different braids. Both braids were taken from these two Russian videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T99q8NPLdYU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDQ9dWrqnQ0
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In pursuit of corned beef, I tried cooking corned beef hash with two different canned varieties of corned beef (Libby's, canned in Brazil, and Palm, canned in New Zealand). Libby's is lean and fine, and Palm is rich and chunky; I'll pay the extra $2 for Palm next time because it fries better. Both needed salt. Do chop an onion for this. Don't use uncooked potatoes. Corned beef is a Commonwealth thing that became an Jewish-American thing through necessity in New York. Irish Americans bought theirs from the bosher kosher (Jewish butchers), and just as the Irish started eating the export product themselves, Jews did too, and now it's a staple in delicatessens and the basis of modern Jewish-American pastrami. There's no shame in eating it canned either. The Irish began canning it for the British Navy two hundred years ago and it's been popular ever since. Fry a can with leftover potatoes for breakfast.
All Jewish recipes I've tried can be made better with cheese.
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>>436 One of the hardest parts of keeping kosher (at least in the sense that's been traditional since Roman Judea, as we can tell from the targums) is giving up the cheeseburger. Bacon cheeseburgers will be the end of me. I cooked these before I started keeping kosher: 4 oz short rib hamburger patties that I ground myself, with red Leicester cheese and bacon, on challah rolls dressed with beurre maître d'hôtel. Red Leicester cheese was not easy for me to find, but it was worth hunting down. I've yet to try a burger with a beef bacon like Schmacon. On top of the more widely understood justifications for not eating pork--pigs being filthy, feces-eating omnivores harboring trichinosis and pigbel--there's also the fact that the nitrites used to preserve bacon (as well as corned beef and hot dogs) are colon carcinogens, and some Ashkenazi Jews carry a gene, adenomatous polyposis coli, that predisposes us to colon cancer. So yeah, bacon cheeseburgers will be the end of me.
>>456 Looking at the picture again, I must have used mayonnaise on the top bun and the beurre on the bottom bun, along with pickled and chopped cherry peppers. I've also yet to pickle my own because fresh cherry peppers are uncommon around here.
Not sure if JEWS knows anything about Indian Jewish cuisine? I was going through a blog (http://www.foodwanderings.com/) and found it interesting.
>>456 Those are some of the most beautiful burgers I've ever seen. I need to go to the store and get some good buns and defrost some patties and bacon.
>>468 I'll check out that blog today. If there exists an Indian Jewish cookbook, I'm going to want it for my collection. >>472 Thanks!
>>468 >>472 >accepting and praising a random attention whore namefag For shame
>>482 I didn't even notice the namefaging its pretty gay but its a jew thread, gay from the very nature. I see a handsome burger I'm gonna give its creator props regardless.
>>395 I have the round lodge cast iron press for SMASH BURGERS! Only horrible thing about smash burgers, even with my high output kitchen stove vent fans, still smoke up the house, but its somewhat worth it. Reuben sandwich is my all time favorite, corned beef is comfy eating.
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I will never forgive the jews for all they did but damn, they can make some good food.
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>>485 You better believe I smash my burgers with my presses. >>497 When it comes to Jews, Christians, and Muslims, we Jews are easily the best of the worst. Best food, best leaders, best scripture, best religion, best great artists (I kneel, ancient Greeks), best scientists, best industrialists, and most of all: best memes. Even the rumors and atrocities started by our jealous detractors are the biggest; not even ancient Christian persecutions come close to the Holocaust in enormity.
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Back to Jewish cuisine: I neglected to mention that I've tried America's Test Kitchen's method for braising brisket with one of their own recipes, which yielded a cumin-pomegranate (mostly cumin) gravy. It was good (pic related), but it deviates pretty far from the recipe I inherited in terms of ingredients, so I intend to develop my own as I braise more briskets. I used the print version from Cook's Illustrated, but you can find the same recipe I followed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXZ8PCJeNpA Before I do that, however, I intend to try ChefSteps' Smokerless Smoked Brisket. Nitrites and APC be damned, I need barbecue brisket back in my life. That recipe is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlwFxgOa9Ww
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Latkes from scratch, fried in schmaltz. They were good.
>>799 Ever made kugel (with potatoes)? If yes, do you prefer latkes or kugel?
>>799 >suddenly realizing my mexican childhood dish is a latke Hmm, not sure how to feel about that.
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>>804 I've made potato kugel too, and I think I do prefer it.
>>806 Odds are we Jews borrowed it from you anyway; potatoes are native to the Americas.
>>806 >>873 Jews stole them from Slavs. Even latkes name is of Slavic origin. Ground food made into a patty and then fried is nothing new. Many cultures had their own versions using both meat and plants. Before potatoes made their way to Europe, Slavs used cheese, parsnips, and other starchy root vegetables to make potato pancake predecessors.
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Another potato kugel tonight. It is delicious. I made this one from Alison Roman's recipe, and I think that's true of the previous one as well. I neglected to post my Passover Seder plate, so I'll post that next. >>879 Surely we owe you a massive debt for lending a name to a food that's been enjoyed by native Americans for ten thousand years.
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My (probably uninteresting) Seder plate for Passover last week. Clockwise from top: grated horseradish, lamb bone, Chabad charoset with Ceylon cinnamon, saltwater, parsley, soft-boiled egg. This was less about the taste than the ritual, but it was my first time preparing and tasting fresh horseradish and soft-boiled egg. I prefer Streit's to Manischewitz matzot, but I used what was readily available this year, fitting the spirit of Passover.
>>1104 What do you do with the saltwater? Dip food in it?
>>1105 Yes, specifically the parsley.
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Kasha varnishkes. Handmade bowties with smoked sea salt, freshly toasted buckwheat, slivered, browned pearl onions (which vanished into the buckwheat), and schmaltz (chicken fat). it came out great.

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