Posting here for advice, based on recommendation
New here. So weird situation. Looking for honest advice.
I am an ex-cuck. My first wife cucked me, and then we divorced. It was actually for the best, as it was not a good marriage, and cuckoldry did not make it any better. Marriages need to be strong first. But I have always missed being a cuck, regardless. It never really goes away.
So much so that my current wife knew early on that I would be open to her "exploring" with other men. She has always said no. I never pushed. I just kept living the fantasy/wannabe part. I should add that I am sterile.
The wife has expressed a desire for children, but knows this is impossible. We discussed options. Adoption, in vitro, and such. I did include the option of natural insemination by another man. She again said no. I did not push it. But she knows I have the fantasy. She lightly acknowledged and dismissed it.
I should also add that prior to our marriage, she dated black men as well as white, but mostly black.
Lately, she has been watching every drama on TV and streaming services that have IR couples. Some, on the streaming services are practically soft core porn. It is notable that she watches these a lot, dumping older favorite shows to watch these. Additionally, she recently purchased sex toys, something she never had use for. She watches these shows when I am not around. The use of the toys seems to coincide, as I see them left in the bathroom to be cleaned later. The connection is hard to miss.
She babysits often for a friend/couple. They are black. I found several selfie pics of my wife and the baby, in natural mother like poses. They have a feel of "living vicariously" to feed her motherhood impulse. I have seen her with the baby, and other babies. She would be a great mom. She is an excellent care taker. My inability to give her a child has always made me sad.
She has also babysat for another friend, white, but with a black husband. Similar selfie pics as well. I have never found pics of her with white babies that she has babysat.
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