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/writ/ Scribe 07/17/2021 (Sat) 21:24:07 No. 132
Are you writing? Do you want to? Dreams of writing for anything in particular? Share, chat, and critique. Let's suffer together.
>>132 No. Yes. No. Howdy anons.
I used to write when I was a kid. People on the internet said I was a bit rough but had tons of promise. It made me feel special. >>133 What sort of writing you do want to try? Any vague direction? Short stories? Howdy friend :)
>>134 Yeah I got that a lot from english teachers. One still calls occasionally offering to edit anything. As far as what idk. I scribble thoughts sometimes. I like fiction. I should write some.
>>135 You could try taking requests for short stuff, or contributing to a small group writing project, that's what I did as a kid. I was the youngest contributor. Do you want a writing prompt? You can also start with fanfiction, since it expedites a lot of writing by virtue of having pre-established world and characters. A good spot to practice if the minutia bothers you. I don't think a teacher ever told me I would be smart or good at anything academic, just that I was nice and could bring out the nicer side of my classmates.
>>136 You are nice, and sure. Lets try a prompt. This will mean finding a keyboard.
>>137 Hm, let's narrow it down first. A preference for.. Fantasy? Contemporary? Sci-fi? Drama? GRIMDARK? I want to pick a prompt that makes me want to read what you write, and so I want a prompt that makes you write what you'd actually like to. You know? Posting your work is wayyy easier when you KNOW someone is wanting to read your work specifically. At least, that's how I feel. Writing someone no one asked for or expected is tougher for me to accept my personal quality. of. "This is junk, it's so bad, no one is lookign for this crud" When people are wanting it, it's like "well it might not be great, but it's what they wanted, so why not!"
>>138 These are good questions. I don't know. I like those things. Drama would be tough. The mundane is hard for me to sex up. Metaphorically speaking.
>>138 These are good ideas and point. I'm gonna try to write a couple stories a week. Then work on them. If anyone has requests this is the place.
Edited last time by Vampyr on 07/18/2021 (Sun) 00:30:05.
>>139 Could literally sex it up With sex. That's the easiest audience of all.
>>144 Yeah that is easy.
>>145 Well, you don't narrow the scope much, so I'll pick somehting I think is easy to enjoy even done poorly! :p Write about a young girl leaving the house for a very brief adventure and seeming cute and likable to at least on other person. It could be a fantasy setting with a human or non-human, or modern, or anything. Go with what you'd like to do If you want further narrowing of scope, I'd probably place it in a town, where she wanders off to have fun, sees something she wants, and asks to have it, but it's somethign she has to pay for. Having no money, she goes off and finds something to trade for it. It's not money itself, but the way she sells it wins over the person, and they make the trade. Cute, childish stuff is brief and, when poorly executed, retains a special amateurish charm. "Ha, this is dumb but cute", you know? And I think that kind of writing premise feels liberating. You know you'll make mistakes, but it's all in good fun. Like dumb doodles in visual art.
The void is vast, cold, and dark. The Giuseppe was an ugly brick of a craft, and its dim lights cut the void further. The separation from interstellar to local system space accomplished in a confusing whir of light. Inside the air is almost as cold and dead as the void surrounding the craft. Inside a Half tube device near the ships core a little eye opens. As she woke from hypersleep Erica's first thoughts were on returning to sleep <n-nooo <three more weeks please Lucy She lazily murmured, but alas it was not meant to be, and soon the mechanical lifeless hands of Lucy shook her diminuitive shoulders. >No, Erica >we have arrived In system and additional water stores must be located for fusion mass. The buzzing, artificial voice box rasped back at Erica's prone form. Soon Erica threw back the covers and went to the water closet to get ready for planetfall As the door closed behind her Lucy finished remaking the bed, inside the pod, and then left for the flying bridge. Entry to the planet would happen under her sure pneumatic, and steel fingers. No sooner had Erica exited the washroom, fully attired, then the buffeting on roaring of reentry began to be felt. With the deck shaking under her 3 foot frame she bounded up the corridor to the flying bridge. Pausing only to enter her overide on the bridge door, then into the cramped environs. Blonde haired, small, and entirely too energetic was the impression most had upon seeing Erica, and that energy, always such a boon had nowhere to go on the bridge. A cramped tight space with room for two chairs And two consoles. Well the ship was a gift, she couldn't complain. <Ow! Erica bumped her knuckle getting into the seat furthest from the door. The turbulence now really knocking the ship around <how long to break atmo? >3 minutes remaining Lucy's voicebox barely registering above the roar of oxygen igniting from the speed with which it is forced from the Giuseppe's path <I told you to wake me a day in advance! Erica squealed >order countermanded by Captain Erica 2:32 AM this morning <WHAT >you, captain <NO I CAN'T HEAR YOU Midway through her pronouncement the shaking abruptly abates, and the absurdity of yelling at a mechanical life form causes Ericas cheeks to blush. <Well anyway... Any cities? >Mission orders are to h- <Does this one have a city or not Lucy >negative At this Erica quietly curses under her breath <Lucy I told you I need a new pair of boots. I mean we are always traveling to swamps! >impossible, nearest civilized world is three system jumps at present. Working more on this later. That's the beginning at least though. Well the rough draft.
>>147 Cute use of post formatting for dialog colors. No doubt the main character and robot assist is done a lot, but specifically it always makes me think of Space Adventure Cobra The Legendary Bandit I think his robo lady was "Lady". Very cheesy old game. Rest in peace Rock Knight. They need water stores for fusion mass? That doesn't sound like the primary reason to land on a planet, seeing as water is much easier to get from low gravity bodies like moons. Curious where else you're going with it!
>>147 Silly ship name, sounds familiar. The grammar and structure isn't phenomenal, but the story has me interested. I'm looking forward to part 2
>>148 Oh shit or just planetary rings. That is a plot hole. Well... I gotta buy and cook dinner. I'll be back later.
>>150 Gravity wells kick your ass like a mother fricker. Always want to avoid landing on a planet if you don't have a big reason to go there
>>151 Scrap the refueling idea. Motivation to beach the ship has to change. Okay colonies. Thousands of em. Some no more than like ten people. Spread throughout the galaxy. And our hero is tasked with idk checking in on them. >why not just comms Idk maybe colonies just go black sometimes. And they send her to see if everyones dead or the antennas just broke.
>>152 >no more than ten That means they are super dependent on traffic. A colony of less than 100 is not able to breed successive generations long at all, and 100 is an extreme low number. Cases I see colonies of 10 being around: >Orbiting station preparing for colonization at a later date >Based station on a to-be-colonized low grav body A very efficient and plausible system is that mining groups set up shop on relatively large asteroids and begin excavation and reinforcement of the internals. Eventually, the mining crew will have hollowed out and refined the material that was inside, and replaced it with plating and struts that hold the weak shell in place. From there they can continue construction to create a habitat, and make it a second structure separate from the plating, spinning independent of the asteroid surrounding it, to simulate gravity. But this setting seems to imply artificial gravity of some kind. Easy this early on to change it to spin-gravity as well, or to make the ship just not have gravity until reaching the planet, but if you want to change from a planet to landing on a smaller rocky body like an asteroid or moon then spin grav it good. But I'm rambling. You said "spread through the galaxy" so we do NOT go for hard sci-fi. "Science" is an illusory veneer upon this story.
>>149 Giuseppe Garibaldi. Italian general and nationalist. I think JMS named the security chief in babylon 5 after him. It is silly. >>151 Yeah gravity is a problem. If its light fantasy. Space opera. Then yeah whatever. But then why get all into reentry? Yeah I mixed hard And soft. >>153 Yeah. Excellent points. I suck at hard science, but feel obligated to be as true to reality as possible. So why the hell is a little girl traveling the stars anyways. No. Wrong idea. Just to cut down on characters really. Okay no warp drives. Because why have hyper sleep and warp drives... Unless planetary maneuver is all on tiny air guns squirting. Spinning ship. Crewed. Cargo is more important than passengers. So cramped room for the hopeful colonists. Hell we don't even need to dock at this point. We could do it all aboard ship. Shes either broke or they use company scrip aboard. I mean shes a kid so broke is understandable.
>>154 >We could do it all aboard ship. But why were you wanting to land on a planet for this story in the first place? If there's a reason you were taking that route, I would think it's worth writing a way to keep that. >little girl >kid Honestly I wasn't getting that. I definitely got that vaguely so, as she's small and a little childish, but she's also adultish and, of course, alone. Going full soft science fantasy and making it a silly adventure story is good, you don't need to hard pivot to gritty scifi. Capitalize on the softness, not abandon it. It depends on tons of factors though. really just go for what you want
>>155 I need her to go shopping. That is the mission. A planet would have a small town. Maybe a little village. Curious trinkets. That kinda thing. Hmmm yeah i mean. I like it being a little idyllic scene planetside. Space is lowkey goddamned terrifying.
>>155 Okay full pulp then. Indeterminate early 20s. Shit just happens and we don't slow down to explain why.
>>156 >>157 Nay, if I were you, I'd go ALL IN at this point. She's a child, or at least looks like one. Either she's human and the planetside folks are aliens or it's the other way around. Honestly, I think little alien girl is the way to go. She's in the star system for who really cares why. Off the top of my head, she's getting the hard-sci-fi task of setting up some drones on a moon to start industrializing the place. She doesn't actually have to do anything, she just has to monitor them and make sure they're working. Absolutely dreadful job, she has NOTHING to do here. Do any planets in this system have ANYTHING on it? >Archanis III has liquid methane oceans, the only of its kind in this system. <I don't care about the FART SEA, is there LIFE anywhere? >Archanis I has an atmosphere rich in oxygen, with elevated chemicals unlikely to be found without biological processes. <LETS GO! And then she basically ignores all semblance of non-interference protocols and lands a comfy planet to explore, see what's in town and try to buy something. But these people don't know things about SPACE MONEY. What IS she going to do? You overcomplicated the prompt that I honestly didn't think you were going for it.
>>158 >You overcomplicated the prompt that I honestly didn't think you were going for it. same
>>158 >>159 Lol well fuck. Okay let me find my laptop and see about rewriting this.
fuck my pictures look bad on a real screen. meh keyboards sticky. anyway here we go. understandable if you guys go to sleep.
>>161 Are you using Google Chrome?
upon exiting the acoustic shower Erica walked back to the living quarters. changing to her field uniform. stained khakis, and safari hat. Erica then palmed open the auto-door and entered the hallway. Lights sprang on illuminating the bare and unfinished ceiling and walls. they sold a model with excellent interior furnishings, but Erica had always been thrifty, or tasteless as some said. it allowed easy access when things inevitably broke though Erica mused as she walked the corridor toward the flying bridge. the calm white glow of hallway lights are broken by the red of the security door. Erica loved the soft red in the mornings. Which was the real reason they were using the flying bridge. ordinarily a tiny chamber, a mere cockpit really, just big enough for pilot and navigator. Erica had neither, and no plans to increase her crew. Lucy had shown herself to be quite sufficient in all areas needed to keep the ship running. and the galactic treaty organisation didn't care about number of crew on a probe laying expedition. her field was technically archeology, but if she ever found anything she had orders to call home and wait. the prospect of success was therefore as boring as the routine of failure. Lowering her head to fit in the navigators chair furthest from the massive airlock security door, Erica scrapes her forhead on a lowhanging pipe <Ow! She cried out as she slumped into the seat. she had long supressed the urge to check if anyone saw her make a mistake. she had fired anyone who could years ago <well? Where are we? she muttered to her right >System entry achieved, we are now on course for planetfall at Arachas 3 in 16 hours. Lucy's carefully tuned, and programmed voice rendered faltering by corroding voice circuits. she was an expensive unit, but Erica got a good deal. <And? the heck is on Arachas 3? >that is what we are here to find out Lucy sounded offended, but Erica knew her moods, well she was pretty sure anyway, and ignored the tone <okay yeah but we have some idea right? >Planetary scans indicate liquid methane ocean- <Fart Oceans! Are you serious Lucy? You promised me somewhere without an encounter suit! Now Erica had turned her head to address Lucy. they were almost touching. >From Travenous VI it appeared to be far mor- Lucy continued staring straight at her monitor. She appeared unbothered by Ericas shouting <Well I've had it. No. No Lucy I am breathing fresh air, and feeling the grass between my toes. someplace with a breathable atmosphere and plant life. okay? >There is another planet the Organization needs scanned, but its marked for the xenobioligist team. early scans detect li- <Well Heck Yeah! Lets go there! >It could void our contract cap- <Lucy let me worry about that okay? Listen we set down I have a day wearing clothes that don't make me break out in hives, and you get a day to... uh... What is it you said last week? >The engines need a complete overhaul or we will die. It is a 97.5% cert- <Uhuh so you can do that and stop bugging me about it >I may not be able to accomplish that in the time ava- <So its settled then! set a course and wake me up when we are an hour from planetfall, and Lucy? >Captain? <With coffee this time. please. with this Erica started climbing backwards out of her seat, and was able to stand without further injury. palming open the doors sensor she left the suddenly quiet room >It could probably have gone another month to be honest Lucy murmured too quietly to be heard.
Edited last time by Vampyr on 07/18/2021 (Sun) 05:09:22.
>>162 yeah laptop wants too much juice, but I got a chromebook that works. why?
>>163 that was awful to read
The Seat belt straps bit into Ericas shoulders. She gritted her teeth, but the shaking grew in intensity <THIS SUCKS >All systems show optimal approach achive- <WHAT >I said this is a perfect deceleratio- <I CANT HEAR YOU >The turbulence of reentry is loud enoug- <ARE WE CRASHING >-uman ear drum, but the aural dampeners(sic) lower it to a ple- <IF WERE DYING YOU CAN TELL ME Erica's fingernails were now digging a gauge in the already scratched, and scuffed leather of the armrest >We arent dyin- <WOULD YOU JUST SPEAK LOUDE- The sound began to diminish, and the shaking quickly slowed to a background rumble <Hey the engines work! >Yes, failure point isn't as imminent as you may have been led to believe no one spoke as the craft slowly leveled off and powered descent began in earnest <You mean you lied the silence now stretched for thirty seconds. long enough for Lucy to point the craft north east and lower the nose. >If I had said the engines are probably fine would you have bought the parts at that seedy station? <Hell no >Anyway we are violating thirteen dif- <No geeky stuff today Luce okay? >Okay. I think theres Life of an intelligent variety an hour away This caused Erica to furrow her brow <Wait like talking and chess? >This is a bad idea <Well it's too late to back out now. you need to fix the engines remember. Lucy nodded her head and kept her steel hands perfectly steady on the control yoke. In the village of Oroko nothing ever happened. Little Siux's parents knew because she said it at least once a day >and what should be happening that isn't? her parents would ask but Siux never had an answer. invading barbarians like her uncle with the scar on his face talked of maybe, or a patch of fairies. She liked that idea best, but had never found any. she had looked everywhere she was allowed. the forest behind her village, the cliffs by the sea (when her dad was with her anyway), and her favorite spot. The seaside grotto. That even after her hundredth search she hadn't found fairies didn't deter her. It just looked magical. with the hanging stalagmites, dripping water, and the way the sunset made the whole place glow. no she hadn't found any fairies in the grotto Yet but that didn't mean she wouldn't in the future. on this particular spring day Siux is on the cliffside with her brother, they are watching the herd, in theory anyway. in practice Siux is watching the clouds, and humming. Gherry, her brother, is watching the sheep by reading the Tome of Shadnar, the Righteous, and trusting Shadnar to protect the sheep for him. In truth both techniques are about equally effective. The sheep of Arachas 5 are an unusually docile sort after all. <That one looks like a rabbit Siux whispers out to no one in particular, but she knows Gherry heard her. >It is a Vanity to ascribe meaning to Random chaos Gherry croaks out, a fire at early age leaving his voice always at the level of a croak <And that one a loaf of fluffy bread Siux continues break
>>165 your mom is awful to read
>>165 Anything in particular? Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
Gherry carefully bookmarked his page with a piece of straw. Then placing The Tome reverently down on his folded cloak he stood, and turned to stare down to the herd. >Herd's fine in case you were wondering <I wasn't Siux answered and continued laying in the grass, and staring at clouds. Gherry began gathering his things together, and strung his cloak across his back >Anyway time to gather them he stared at Siux for several seconds before continuing >You're welcome to help if you want Siux didn't respond >Fine, but be down by supper or I'll catch hell <Like I care siux whispered back in her own lazy tone Gherry sighed, and started downhill away from the cliff >Fine, I'll see you at supper Gherry walked out of Siux sight downhill. She liked her brother, but hated being supervised all the time. She had begun to suspect that fairies wouldn't appear if anyone else was around. her thoughts were interrupted by cloud moving faster than the others. only it wasn't white. it appeared gray against the darkening blue and orange of the sky. What the heck? Siux thought, and sprang to her feet. the gray shape appeared to get bigger, and then fell quickly toward the sea. Siux moved closer to the cliffs edge to see out to sea. The ocean was unperturbed by any disruption. waves came in and out. Siux spent a further 30 minutes searching for any sign before giving up, and setting back toward the village
>the Giuseppe is rated to pressures far in excess of those imposed by the sea <That doesn't make any sense >The only simpler explanation is that it would be a very bad idea to go any further down The Giuseppe was submerged in Arachis V's ocean. There was a small shelf under water near the archipelago, but after that it dropped treacherously into a trench. The Giuseppe was hovering barely underwater near the shelf. the beach rose out of the water in front of them towards the cliff face. <So we aren't going to die? >Not from implosion, but if we were spotted approachi- <I'll watch for cavemen with pointy sticks, mom. Erica delicately got out of the navigators chair and made her way for the double airlock on the ships roof. muttering she threw off her hat, and climbed into the airlock. <This part sucks >You could wear a wetsuit Lucy's voice boomed from the wall <OW! And you could do some maintenance on the airlock speake- The small compartment having been locked off from the ship suddenly began flooding with water. Grabbing only a quick partial breath Erica began hammering the emergency release. with a rush of bubbles following her Erica pulled herself from the craft. taking a moment to orient herself to the surface she began swimming up, and in moments broke the surface <AH! <LUCY You Wh- a wave spills more water into her mouth. seeing the futility of yelling at the ocean Erica paddles towards shore. Siux Should be in bed. She snuck out after supper. she had to see the cave. The Fairies must be waiting for her at night! The revelation came as she was downing her boiled carrots. The strange occurence was a sign from them. certain that no one would understand or believe her. after all they never did. She had waited til her fathers snores rocked the house, and taking care not to disturb her sleeping brother she made her way out the window into the still night. there was a path to the cave by the beach that was dangerous at night, but safer then trying to climb down the sheer face of the cliff. the path led off to the right. avoided the cliff completely. appearing as a divot between two rising peaks it wound at a slight pleasing angle. there was no guard rail though. Siux had never heard of guard rails personally, and so she made her way in the dark carefully staying next to the cliff as far as she was able. soon she had descended to the beach with nothing more untoward then a brief tumble and a skinned knee. She wasn't bothered by the pain, but didn't look forward to explaining the knee to her mother tomorrow.
>>162 oh I see. thats annoying.
>>161 Good morning, vampy~ >>163 Right from the first sentence it made me think of the kemono friends safari girl. The grammar is a lot rougher than before, I think you needed to sleep at the same time I did. >corroded voice circuits >expensive but a good deal I'd probably do this differently. She's frugal, and this sounds like a basic thing to have on board, so instead of getting a good deal on an expensive unit, I'd say <a standard assistant, at an especially low price Or something to that affect. >>166 It is interesting coming up with a prompt and, naturally, I think of how I would do it, and then I watch you do something entirely and completely different. I couldn't have written what you write. Not a lot to say about this entry though. I suppose you throw a little too much detail than necessary. Gary and Sue being spelled silly is kind of dumb-nice. I like it. >>167 >>168 There's a small cuteness to how you reply multiple times with entirely different tones. This also has a dumb-cute appeal. >>169 She's sure got attitude. Just like Erica! I recommend adjusting formatting to be closer to "proper". Contain thoughts and dialog in "quotes" and use consistent punctuation. >>170 I don't quite get this >rated to pressures in excess of the sea >it would be very bad to go any further down Why? If it's rated to handle more pressure, why is going down bad? <<< It's very rough, but I'm enjoying the read.
>>172 Good Morning! Yeah I needed sleep. >rated to pressures in excess of the sea >it would be very bad to go any further down This is me being uncertain whether the craft would be rated for anything more than one atmosphere. The easiest solve is to just have them not talk about it. Im not doing a submarine narrative after all. It's just unnecessary. Anyway coffee time.
>>173 You don't have to talk about it, but you did, and what you put down didn't make sense. She has to exit the craft and breach the surface, a simple solution is "we've rested on a sea shelf as close to the surface as we can without being easy to spot" or similar hand-wave. Could also have not landed in the sea, as most narratives do.
>>174 Yeah landing in the sea isn't necessary in anyway shape or form. Its just cliche. I think I will change that. I should have had her land on the cliff right in front of Siux. This whole beach sequence is just further complication for no reason. Ugh. It bugs me.
>>174 I mean every step of the way Erica has been massively irresponsible. Why would she care now? Just plop the fucker right in front of the first villager you see really. Yeah that was just me chickening out on the cliffside. Inexcusable.
>>176 Practice goes a long way. Writing all this now is teaching you a bunch.
>>177 I should have just said fuck it. It's gonna suck but I need the practice, years ago. Yeah I am learning a lot.
>>168 I didn't actually read it. Qas just asshole shitposting. Now that I read it in its entirety, I think I can give some criticism. Things to keep in mind: 1) I'm not a native english speaker 2) This isn't my preferred style of books When reading a novel, I see images in my head. The better the writing, the more clear I can see the images. The events weren't in sequence. The characters were cliche as fuck. and the writing is sometimes dull. This is only MY opinion. Which is biased because I don't really like novels, but I've read many. I'm reminded of my native language's novels for some reason. Idk. Anyway anon I think you're just getting started. There's room for improvement and you know it. Best of luck and I'm waiting for anything new you write.
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>>182 That was worryingly convincing for a first person rape trauma. If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to speak up.
>>182 >acid is pulling the rule back so its all cool Yeah but he hasn't yet? So this is global rules violation?
>>184 It's been weeks, if he isn't taking the rule seriously enough to even mention it again, it's basically void
>>185 Yeah that's not comforting. Idk. So it looks like global rule 2 subsection b.) >b.) Obscene textual depictions involving sex acts with real children. Ahh real children. The anon explicitly stated that he wrote that as a request, and therefore isn't based off an actual real child. So it doesnt violate a rule.
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>>186 That's not what they are talking about. Pic related.
>>187 >and we are not permitting pedo kidfucking fanfiction >I'm the one who will go to court over it, and my foot is firmly down. Well shit that's very clear. Way more clear than the global rules. Should link this on the global rules page. >>182 Sorry bro.
>>188 After that screenshot, several people pointed how retarded he was and that he was 100% wrong about the case (it was about drawings as well as text and isn't applicable here for many reasons). In response, he said he had a long discussion with Codexx and was reconsidering it.
>>189 Well until he tells me that he has reconsidered it, and his new decision is allowing it. Then it's off limits.
>>190 That's definitely not the way I run things. My policy would be that the global rules explicitly say something counter to what they said to each other in private on IRC The idea of enforcing something that is not official and not stated on the website is a bit silly. But if it moves you to go make a fuss on >>>/site/, vamp, then that'd be good.
>>191 I care about guns. One person on this entire site beside me owns a gun. His name is Cole, and I am not pissing in his yard.
>>192 I don't see how that's related
>>193 Acid doesn't want pedo fanfics. I don't want to piss off the only good poster on /k/ which is acid. Using my board as the catalyst for an argument that I have no personal interest in, is going to piss off Acid. And I can't say I would blame him. I'm sorry man but I just have no desire to get caught up in this. When he clarifies the rules I will personally repost the link. It's a good story.
>>194 the bootlicker spoke!
>>194 Well, the rule changed
Here's some of the OC written on /b/ Contained meta, involving board vols. >>>/b/37286
>>183 Thanks, I guess. Sounds like I did that well. >>194 Well that was a fast and short issue. Glad you liked the story at least?
>>196 Awesome! Allright now I just need a source in that. >>>/v/370892 This is source? Only thing I can find today. Checking global rules shows this post isn't true. No idea what he's talking about. Does anyone have a better source for the rules changing?
>>199 Oh! They changed it back? *checks* ..No, the global rules are indeed lacking that line about obscene text.
>>200 I clicked and checked again it's still there. I update the page. Still there. I update again. Gone. Huh. No idea.
>>200 Weird anyway edited post to put story back. >>198 Yeah it was good.
>current, lacking obscene text ban https://archive.ph/V4rAK >previous, containing ban on obscene text https://archive.ph/epzdW
>>203 Probably handy archives. >>201 Meta-drama is PPH boosting, we're obviously just pretending so we can kick /lit/ high up the ranks. that junk aside, when do we get more of the space alien loli going shopping?
>>204 Yeah I need to do more on that. Tonight if I can get my tablet away from my room mate. He discovered my babylon 5 collection and has been binging it 24/7 for weeks now. I'll probably go hook up a console and put a game on for him.
>>205 I am also looking forward to it.
>>205 Hypin' up for it. I hope you're having a nice evening, Vamp
>>207 Yeah just finished dinner. Made ribs and salad. Thanks man hope you are too. Also time to start typing I guess.
She liked her brother, but hated being supervised all the time. She had begun to suspect that fairies wouldn't appear if anyone else was around. her thoughts were interrupted by cloud moving faster than the others. only it wasn't white. it appeared gray against the darkening blue and orange of the sky. What the heck? Siux thought, and sprang to her feet. "We are going to hit that resident" Said Erica "no, I am already slowing down, where do you wish to set down?" Said lucy in a carefully neutral voice "Right in front of the critter!" Said Erica gleefully "affirmative, captain" Lucy replied. Siux's mouth gaped open in surprise as the sky seemed to shatter and the craft landed on the cliff face beside her, and her favorite tree. Then as the sound abated a ramp lowered, and opened out "Hello!" Shouted Erica as she bounded down the steps "And what are you? some kind of giant?" said erica as she approached Siux "FAIRIES!" Shouted Siux pointing in surprise at Erica. "What?" replied Erica? "I Knew you'd come for me I just knew it!" continued Siux "Err... language... right" said a now very confused looking Erica "Lucy? Do the thing where my wristband translates stuff" Erica spoke to her wrist "Full language translation requires more raw material, captain" Lucy's voice came from the small metallic bracelet on Erica's wrist "You want her brains? asked Erica sizing up Siux "Negative, more spoken material should be sufficient" answered Lucy's voice "kay" "Hey you! With the hair!" shouted Erica suddenly Siux continued staring in rapt fascination at this wonderous fairy and her strange sound making bracelet "Say something" said Erica "..." was Siux's reaction to this "rats, well... hmm." said Erica now starting to walk and look around walking downhill a few paces Erica saw the village down below "AHAH!" shouts a reinvigorated Erica "okay giantess take me to your village!" says Erica, and after some pointing and further gestures seems to have communicated this point pointing to the village and nodding Siux begins downhill, pausing periodically to ensure Erica is following The Village of Arnheim was less than a mile in diameter, a rural place, that wouldn't have been out of place in ancient Hibernia. Approaching from the hill the first thing one notices is the crude thatching on the roofs. The second thing is the sound. Hammers beating metal, sheep being put into pens, dinner bells tolling out. The low murmur of gossip among the men chosen to watch the roads over night. And the raucous, and loud clatter of working men relaxing at the Pub. *sigh* "I am not going to find any boots here am I?" Erica murmurs to herself as they approach the main thoroughfare. With a big smile on her face Siux proudly leads her past the night watch. sitting around a table playing cards by the last rays of the sun. "Well it's about ti" Gherry started in before noticing Erica "Who's she!?" he shouted as he rose to his feet. his cards falling face up. "I knew you were bluffing!" said one of the burly men to his left before glancing up to see what had interrupted the game. "A fairy!" says Siux proudly standing beside Erica and smiling Erica glances at the assembled men before noticing the crude poleaxes and spears leaning against a wall nearby "Lucy" starts Erica pulling her wrist up to her mouth "It's the Richtoff's girl Gher now shut up and sit down" Grumbled a man sitting at the head of the table "No, It's a fairy!" continues Siux indignantly. "No foolishness tonight girl" says the shadowy figure wrapped in robes "Get her, and yourself home before mrs. Richtoff comes and takes our cards away" he finishes before taking a swig of foul smelling amber liquid from a mug "I am not being foolish! She really is a fairy, and she came from the sky, and shes my best friend forever, and -" "Oh nevermind look we're out of ale little girl. Be a dear and fetch a pitcher from Gren's Public house" says the shadowy figure at the head of the table. "Erica, Translation software is now funtional, stand by for realtime translation" Lucy's voice says from its customary position on Ericas's wrist.
"Not now" Whispers Erica into her wrist. Anxiously eyeing the men for any reaction. "Hurry now girls or I'll tell your mothers that you were playing games on the moor all night" dismisses the shadowy man Siux grabs Erica by the wrist and starts pulling her away "Pipe translation into my earpiece" says Erica as she is pulled along, and reaches into her vest pocket to remove a small plastic earpiece that she then rams into her ear. Soon they are past the night watchmen and into the town proper, passing a cobbler Erica stops moving, causing Siux to almost fall over, and lose her grip on Erica. "YES!" Shouts Erica, eyeing a pair of leather hobnail boots "yes" repeats her wrist aloud in Lucy's dulcet tones Wide eyed Siux gasps in suprise "I understood that fairy" she says. "Yes" replies a distracted Erica. "Hey kid you got any money?" Erica continues "no, fairy. My mom does, but I didn't bring any to watch the herd" replies Siux in a mildly defensive tone "ugh. No shopkeep this time of day anyway I guess" Erica dissapointedly says. "Mr. Stuwell is probably at the Pub this time of night" Siux responds back. taking a second to check the sun. It has fallen out of sight by now, and only the last glimmers of sunlight are still visible in the darkening gloom "eh?" says Erica aloud turning in place and looking about. "and where is this then? Pub you said? Like a place of Alcohol?" "up the block, fairy, and we need to go there anyways. If we don't bring old man Klaugh a pitcher he'll beat my brother, and call it training. and then my brother will hit me for being a bad sis-" At this point Siux is almost in tears, and Erica interupts here by touching her shoulder. "oookay, no worries, lets go to the pub and grab him a drink. I could use one myself to be honest" Says Erica wistfully into Siux's face, before then continuing down the street. "okay" Siux sniffles before falling into step behind Erica The smell of too many men packed into too tight a space announces they have arrived a the proper destination, and leaning forewards Erica opens the swinging wooden door and steps inside "Achoo" sneezes Siux bringing up the rear "it's always so smoky in here" and she is right. between the poor ventilation, everyone presents tobacco addiction, and the small cooking pit in the middle of the room, it is indeed very smoky inside. *Cough* "ugh wheres the waiter?" says Erica "water? I can get you some fairy" replies Siux "No, a servant or something. to get us the drinks for your brother?" answers Erica "Oh! You mean like a wench!" "..." is Erica's only response to this "err Yeah I guess" finally answers Erica "well then that's easy. Qara!" shouts Siux toward the cooking pit, where a disheveled looking young woman arises from next to a giant pot of some stew cooking on the fire. "Eh! Why if it 'aint little Siux!" Shouts Qara over the din spotting our two new arrivals "'n What the fook do you wan' eh?" says Qara. Her words not quite matching the big smile on her face as she dries her hands on her dress front before standing and approaching Erica, and Siux. "A pitcher of swill for old man Klaugh" Says Siux "well that's easy enough luv" responds Qara "Who is Mr. Stuwell?" Asks Erica quickly before Qara has time to turn away "What? An who is this then?" says Qara, Before Siux can cut in about fairies Erica blurts "A friend of Siux's family here for the summer" "ah" says Qara "well Mr. Stuwell would be the drunk at the counter over there" says Qara before pointing towards the back where a crude counter is set up in front of the taps. A fat man balances on a stool there. "okay thanks!" says Erica before pushing her way through the crowd "I'll bring the pitcher to you at the counter then eh Siux" says Qara walking away.
Approaching the counter is an experience that Erica could have done without. The smell of unwashed bodies, and loud shouting is a physical assault on the senses. Erica feels a headache building as she pulls a stool out from next to the fat drunk nursing a small glass of amber liquid. "hey" says Erica to the man as she climbs the stool "Hello, uh who are you?" says Paul Stuwell. "Erica, and I am here to grant your hearts fondest desire!" says Erica with a mischevious smile. "Eh? And what's that?" says paul. "To drink your fill without shelling out a single pfenny" smoothly continues Erica propping her elbows on the counter and settling into the stool. "HAH! And how will I be doing that then?" asks Paul. "Easy. We make a deal. I teach you how to drink for free, and you give me a pair of boots for free" says Erica looking him dead in the eye to see if shes hooked him. Paul turns and looks at her, and seems to be considering her words. "And how will I know if you keep your end of the deal?" asks a canny looking Paul. satisfied at having found a hole in this bizarre hallucination. "Simple. I will demonstrate." says Erica. "Very well" says Paul. "Order me a drink and I'll hear you out" Now Erica looks around the bar for a lonely patron, spotting a man two stools down she motions to him and says "Hey! you wanna make a bet?" The man looks up from his glass before noticing the apparently young woman in strange clothes next to him. "With you? I can tell you now I am stronger" The man badly jokes. "no, the bet is for a glass of swill. I bet you can't take your coat off by yourself" says Erica through a toothy smile. "Eh? I ain't that drunk yet" says the man. "okay little one you have a bet" the man says standing and walking over to shake Erica's hand. then as he begins removing his coat, Erica stands and takes off her own jacket, then smiling at the man she sits back down. "I win" says Erica. Now the man has half his coat off, and a look of suprise on his face "What?" "The bet was you couldn't take it off by yourself, and you didn't" says a smug Erica. "Now I believe you owe me a drink" she finishes. With a minimal of grumbling the man slaps several coins on the counter and points his thumb at Erica. "Fine, Barkeep one for our guest here"
lots a posts. >>210 >by cloud moving Worst Final Fantasy protag. by a* cloud moving >What the heck? Should be in quotes, even though it's not spoken, since it's still read as dialog, just internal dialog. >"We are going to hit that resident" Said Erica Would be a comma after resident, and a lowercase s in Said. Dialog tags work in that manner, that unless there is special punctuation like an exclamation or question mark, you put a comma. This requires, though, the dialog tag, which are things like said, shouted, questioned, asked, groaned, so on. This works similarly if it's before the quote, like She said, "what the heck!" This doesn't apply if you don't use a dialog tag, for example She pondered the situation. "We're going to hit her." Good note for future reference. >already slowing down, where do you wish to set down?" Another tip, it's best to avoid repeating words within a couple sentences of each other. Articles, conjuctions, and basic stuff like that obviously don't matter as much. >some kind of giant? It didn't hit me before, I actually somehow did not anticipate that the mention of fairies was going to lead into the reveal Erica and Lucy are actually tiny compared to the natives of this world. Fairies don't have to be small, as many in irish and celtic folk tales are the size of normal children, but I should have thought about it in the more modern sense. You'd think I'd start there. >"..." was Siux's reaction to this I think better would be a description of the reaction. Her words fell on deaf ears as Siux continued gawking in wonderment. Also when continuing several quotes from the same character consecutively, it's best as one block of text. Also you want to keep the entire story in the same tense. Past tense: ''She did this, then saw that, and decided another thing" Present tense: "She does this, then notices that, and decides another thing." You do not want to mix these things unless an obvious exception like characters talking about a past event in an otherwise present-tense story. "Rats, well... Hmm," Erica mutters to herself as she paces. Casting her eyes down the hill, she spots the village and beams, "AHAH!" Erica twists on her heel and looks back to the marveling child. "Giantess! Take me to your village!" she commands her, before flailing and pointing to gesture at the town. You wouldn't typically want to break this up unless you're going to have a lot of text or a lot of time pass between the quotes. One of the various reasons to do this is that it helps maintain an unbroken flow of reading. New line? Different speaker. Same line? More of the same character. If this is consistently done, the reader unconsciously processes it that way and flows with it better. Hope this isn't too much, I'm trying to avoid nitpicky details and just give you really broad advice. >standing beside Erica With the size difference, I feel that journey would be a lot more difficult for Erica to keep up with. I'd have probably had Siux carry her, or at least attempt to. >>211 >Siux grabs Erica by the wrist and starts pulling her away Okay so she's not that small then. Did I miss a description that compared her height to, say, Siux's waist? With a lot of old ideas of fairies being the size of children and modern ideas of fairies being handheld like tinkerbell, need to make sure sizes are made clear. They can't be the same size, Erica wouldn't call her a giant then, as there's no reason Erica would know Siux is a child or adult. I would have the moment the two met contain something like "Erica couldn't make much of the unintelligible creature ogling her. Though similar in appearance at a glance, the native was a couple heads taller, with skin a shade or two more yellow. Whether the lack of ear frills meant it was a juvenile or simply didn't grow them was yet to be determined." That shows how Erica is processing the encounter, and establishes not just size difference, but that the natives have a yellowish hue to their skin, and that Erica's race has frills on their ears. Both races get a bit more detail. Just an example, i don't know how either of them look and I'm too lazy to reread previous entries. Also while it doesn't apply where they're at at all, it occurs to me that if Erica walked into, say, a forge or kiln area, she might see pokers set aside and perceive them as surely being spears, weapons of war, because them being much to short by native standards for that is easily forgotten by Erica whose small stature means those are long enough to definitely be spears to her. Doesn't apply here but I'll probably make a mental note for myself in case I ever write a similar situation. >>212 >apparently young woman I thought she was smaller than a child. At the very biggest, the size of one. That man must be a lot more drunk than he thinks The bet was clever, I liked that one. >grumbling I would think the small little girl getting him with that clever trick would make him laugh as well as grumble >Barkeep, one for our guest here Does no one care that she's child-sized? Also I misread "a glass of swill" as "your glass of swill" and she was going to just take his drink and give it to Paul since obviously the Bartender wouldn't serve a child. It'd work still since the man's drunk enough and probably not too high strung that he'd reward a clever little girl with some a half drink. Overall I'm still enjoying it. Some things get me a bit lost, and there's plenty of minor, inconsequential errors that don't matter. The heart of the story has me going.
>>210 "we are going to hit that resident" sounds kind of strange. It's very calmly stated, and it's a weird term to use for an indigenous creature at the edge of land. A squirrel is a resident of the forest, but it'd still be odd to call it one. Native, person, or something like that would feel more natural. And if she's alarmed by the fact she thinks they'll hit them, that's not conveyed at all. Also "critter" really makes it sound like this is on par with a squirrel, further making it weird to use the term resident. >some kind of giant? Also a little weird to call a giant a critter, but I assume she couldn't tell the kid's size from in the air >"...." was her reaction Not the best way to do that >pausing to ensure Erica is following I'd imagine it's hard to keep up on foot with a giant. >I am not going to find any boots here am I? I think when she saw the people here were giants, it was already unlikely any boots would fit her. If a fairy fluttered in from the woods IRL, do you think you could find any boots where you live that fit them? >"No foolishness tonight girl" Is a tiny girl the child is calling a fairy really not so unremarkable? >Oh nevermind look we're out of ale That makes sense. They're really drunk, scale is difficult to parse. >>211 >"who is this then?" >cuts in before Siux can talk about fairies >"A family friend" Her bluff skill is rolling high for that to work on the presumably sober wench. >>212 I think it's a very cute mental image to have this tiny space alien clammering onto a stool to stand up where the guy can see her Also I'd be inclined to think there might be magic in the world if I saw this, so her claim she can give him his fondest desires isn't that unbelievable. >pfenny Also considering fairies seem to be a myth from story books, I feel like more people in town or in this pub should have reacted to this tiny girl. >that bet I liked it. >>213 Also these are a bunch of good points. >She's not a tinkerbell fairy Wait, how big is she?
>>213 The first two are indeed mistakes that need fixing. Good eye. No idea initially what you are saying about commas and dialogue tags until the example. Gotcha. And this helps me toss this in some software? Either way looks cleaner. Yeah good note. >Another tip, it's best to avoid repeating words within a couple sentences of each other. Articles, conjuctions, and basic stuff like that obviously don't matter as much. Fuck, yeah David Feintuch is very clear about that. Hell it's the best part of his writing. I need a thesaurus. >some kind of giant Yeah I was thinking shes a full grown woman but appears child size. Possibly with dwarfism. Shit I didn't think about size enough. But yeah classic celt culture is what I am thinking for this village. I imagine erica as pretty, mostly because why sing a song about an ugly girl? So glamoured fairy is Siux's belief. >"..." was Siux's reaction to this Yeah this was late night laziness. By this point I had decided to try some schnapps for ideas. Didn't really work except to make these sections obsessed with drinking, drunkeness, and bar games. >next section You're good at this. Lol it needs to be said. Yeah this dialogue is stilted. The finished version will need a reworking of almost all of it. Good eye. >before flailing and pointing I can see that. Much better description of action. Noted. No please. I haven't written in like 15 years. I need the feedback badly. Nothing is too minor. Some of these I am already aware of, but it helps to have them said. The reason? If I'm struggling I just keep going. A bullheaded reaction but that's me. Yeah I just spaced on proper use of quotation and how to write dialogue. That was the reason for greentext initially. But this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It definitely needs work though. >standing beside erica Shit yeah. I need to just figure out the sizes. It is making everything confusing. My fault. I was vague in my mind, and it became vague on the page. A failure of imagination. My bad. >did I miss a description .... No.... To the extent I thought about it I figured Erica is fully grown but appears child size to these folk. So her and Siux are the same basic height. This one problem is getting bigger as time went on without clarifying things. My fault. >but she wouldn't know Siux is a child FUCK Now that I legitimately did not think of. Shit. [Doom]FUCK[/doom] Yeah you are very right. Goddammit. What a stupid mistake to make. Sorry man. >does noone care shes underage? I don't think there was different beverages for children back then. I believe everyone just drank beer. Could be wrong though.
>>214 Yeah native would have been better. I sat for 3 minutes trying to think of the word for indigenous. Didn't come to me. I'll change it. She isn't concerned. Breaking all the rules just to murder some folk then piss off is kinda her style. The request specifically said "ONE" person had to like her. Personally I like her, but she is an asshole. Yeah she cares to the extent she might need to fix the ship, but killing Siux? That's a big meh from Erica. Lucy should care, and indeed sets down safely. >size issues Yeah I fucked up by not taking a second to say how they appear to each other. Definite fuck up. >not the best way to do that Yeah it reads badly and was just badly done. Correct. >they're drunk Shit that fixes my plothole. Should have played that up more. Happy accident. Not that it matters since I need to fix this section later, but I think I will use that angle. Some way. >the wench is sober And should have had far more questions. Noted. Yeah. Didn't occur to me. >I think it's a very cute mental image to have this tiny space alien clammering onto a stool to stand up where the guy can see her Damn it is. Now I want Erica tiny. *sigh* hmmm probably impossible without some serious rewrites. Still. Funny mental image. Maybe I can still have some of that anyway. Hell she is child sized. It could still work. >pfenny I forget the ancient word. Pfennig? Yeah I should have looked it up. I was lazy and you caught me sir. Well done. Yeah that's flagged for a fix. >the bet I'm glad that was well received. That was my solution to the little girl wants to buy shit but has no money. Finally got far enough in the story to use it. >wait how big is she Yeah see I fucked up and now no one knows. My bad. That issue continues to pkague me. Before continuing I should rewrite the cliffside meeting scene. That one scene has led to so much confusion that to be fair existed in my head before I transferred my confusion to you guys. Dammit. Sorry. >also these are good points They are! As are yours fren. Thank you both.
>>215 >I need a thesaurus. Beware not to go excessively high register, or to keep using so many synonyms for the same thing in such quick succession that it becomes obvious you pulled out a thesaurus. >everyone just drank beer Water was very typical. Of course, alcohol killed microbes, but they weren't ignorant of how to get clean water. They also drank other things like tonics and teas. They could boil barks and herbs and whatnot. And as we all know, boiling fixes a lot of the hazards. They may not have been strict about kids having alcohol, but I wouldn't think most people would give them an entire glass. A sip. A rub of whiskey on their gums when they're teething. Little things. The effect of alcohol was not a novel concept, they knew it was a lot for small people to handle. How much it concerned them is something I can't answer off the top of my head. But yeah, DEFINITELY not a "everyone just had ale" thing, that's a wildly false myth.
>>217 >high register I don't know this term. Looking it up >Register refers to the style of the language you use, higher register means more formal, more elaborated language. (language) the style of language, grammar, and words used for particular situations: People chatting at a party will usually be talking in (an) informal register. Oh okay. Yeah. Good point. >no they didn't Shit. Well. Huh. Okay then this section will need a rewrite. I think I can salvage most of it. I like this scene.
>>216 >I forget the ancient word. Pfennig? Penny. English doesn't have the 'pf' cluster.
>>219 Seems mundane. I don't want people picturing lincoln. I suppose I could just refer to it as a brass coin.
>>220 You could always make up a new currency to fit with the setting.
>>221 Oh. Right. Of course. Then I'm using the Holser. Named after a fictional king who united these lands some time in the misty past. Vax Holser was my favorite character from Feintuch
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I'll poorly write a dumb request First come first serve
/tg/ here: I'd like to write a roleplaying setting that combines everything from all the different genres and subgenres of speculative fiction together. The story I got so far is this: In the beginning, one universe in a multiverse expanded from a singularity and eventually gave rise to the first mind. Because this universe had magic as a natural phenomenon, the mental activities of the minds within any universe could contribute to the warping of reality itself with the sum of their psychic influence, with only the opposition of the activity of other minds to limit them. Since the first mind was alone, it had absolute omnipotence at it's disposal, and soon after, omniscience and omnipresence, this was the birth of the one oldest God, truly almighty, and of a nature beyond all comprehension, neither male nor female, one in which all things, possible and impossible, resided. Omnipotence is a dangerous thing, and soon, for unknown reasons, this led to the first God tearing itself into two halves, each representing polar opposites of reality, one created within the other. This was the asexual creation of two other Gods, A Female God born pregnant with a Male God inside her, these were the Twin Gods of Yin and Yang. The Female God was Yin, she represented that which was negative (zero as a maximum, cold, quiet, still, etc.), static/orderly, and the immaterial/mental/supernatural, her elements were those of the Inorganic (Metal), Solid (Earth), Liquid (Water), and Darkness (Void). The Male God she gave birth to was Yang, and represented all her opposites, the positive (zero as a minimum, hot, loud, fast, etc.), dynamic/chaotic, and the substantial/physical/mundane, his elements were those of the Biological (Wood), Plasmic (Fire), Gaseous (Air), and Light (Aether). These two Gods, each representing all the opposite extremes of nature, longed for each other, seeing balance, they attempted to reunite, with the God of Yang trying to return to the womb of The Goddess of Yin, but as they were so strongly opposed, their very nature had prevented complete reunification, it was their opposing natures that caused the Yang God to be expelled from the Yin goddess in the first place. However, due to sharing one point of commonality, the God of Yang was able to partially enter The Goddess of Yin, and discharge a part of himself into her, she eagerly accepted that part of him into herself, and tried to hold it within her, this process was very pleasurable for the both of them. However, the Yin Goddess could not keep that part of the Yang God within her, and soon after it was violently expelled from her the same way it had come in. The discharge was a mixture of Yang and Yin, given the form of a new God. Yang and Yin repeated this process many times, giving birth to a great many Gods, who made up the first pantheon of the old Gods. As you may have figured, this was the advent of sexual reproduction. Next part will focus on the birth of the second pantheon from the first pantheon's gods and godessess turning to each other after being refused by their opposite sexed parent, the first rebellion where the second pantheon forms three factions, one of which kills and devours their opposite sexed grandparents after killing and devouring the faction of their siblings that tried to stop them, the faction that tried to stop them and got killed and devoured for doing so, and the third faction who remained neutral, the creation of the Heavens, where the rebels became the True Gods of the high heavens, and the neutral gods became the Angels of the low heavens. Then the Second rebellion where the first pantheon had also split into three factions upon seeing what had been done to their parents, one turning against their siblings to protect their children, and being killed and devoured for doing so, one faction turning on their children and killing and devouring their siblings for trying to stop them, and one faction which remained neutral, the defeat of the first pantheon by their children, and the creation of the Hells to imprison the parents their children could not bring themselves to kill, the rebellious ones becoming the Devils of the deep hells, and the neutral ones becoming the Demons of the shallow hells. Last will be the third rebellion, the betrayal of Gods and Angels who opened up the prison of Hell and becoming the Gods of death known as psychopomps/shinegami, The redemption of Devils and Demons who unexpectedly fought in the name of the kingdom of Heaven and became the Gods of animism known as the totems/kami, The stalemate and truce between heaven and hell, and the creation of the middle world, the world of spirits with the reborn Yang as the Lord of Spirits (aka "great spirit"), and the world of souls with the reborn Yin as the Lady of Souls (aka "death herself"), and then the rebirth of the multiverse, where the Gods and Devils play games with mortals and monsters, as the spirit world fills with spirits and the soul world fills with souls. The last part are notes on the afterlife, where after dying, a soul spends time in the world of souls (limbo/purgatory) before being claimed by a psychopomp, brought to be judged and divided, with the high soul heading to a place just outside heaven, and the low soul heading to a place just outside hell, in heaven and hell, the soul remains for a while, until it dies a second death, as the souls are dissolved back into their soulstuff which is then used to create a new soul reincarnated into a new body, the escape being karmic harmony and spiritual enlightenment, where the soul instead remains intact and ascends to the spirit world as an ancestral spirit, until dying the third death, and ceasing to be or becoming one with everything depending upon how one sees it, which is the ultimate goal, returning to the one for the great reunification of everything back into the one, but this time with the wisdom to hold itself together, which the one had lacked from inexperience, and may have split in order to set in motion this process of self-advancement.
>>250 Sounds interesting, if very elaborate. What's the difference between spirits and souls? I wouldn't say that that synopsis combines all different genres, seems like it lends itself to regular fantasy. Though it would be interesting to have stories set in an advanced future in such a mythologically rich setting.
Now I wanna play mage: the ascension.
>>251 I'm using the definitions you'd find in "werewolf: the apocalypse" here. Spirits are the things you worship in animism and shamanism, a very small god with a very specific purview, like a wolf spirit, or a cat spirit, or a tree spirit, or a rock spirit, they are essentially living platonic representations of the concept that they represent. Souls are the spiritual remnants of dead things, composed of ectoplasm, a soul without a body is a ghost, as in various religions like egyptian myth and taoism, the soul is made of various parts, each of which represent some aspect of the organism that it once inhabited, after death, these are separated from each other and sent to the appropriate heaven or hell, where they are given a proper treatment so that they can be broken down for use in reincarnation, this "breaking down" is why one cannot vividly remember their past lives under normal circumstances. Beings can escape the cycle of death and rebirth by practicing a religious spiritual alchemy to convert their soul into a spirit, this means finding harmony and enlightenment, but even this stage of ascension is not the end. After becoming a spirit, one must go on another journey to reach the final end of becoming one with everything, which is returning themselves to the One God at the beginning of all things, from which everything comes, and of which everything is a part. Thus this religion is a combination of: Monotheism (the one) Dualism (the two opposing forces) Polytheism (the pantheons) Animism (the spirits) Pantheism (everything is a piece of god, and will return to it) Apatheism (the gods and devils are both a bunch of dicks and don't really give a fuck about your insignificant ass one way or another, and the purpose or religion is a taking a personal journey for internal refinement rather than worshiping the divine/infernal for their favor) With elements of: Paganism (Gods and Devils are just as flawed as humans, possibly moreso given their level of power and immortality, they spend more time focusing on each other than on the mortal world, and even the dead aren't paid attention to, dealing with them is left to the lowest level of the bureaucracy) Abrahamism (angels in heaven, demons in hell, war between them, reality is the compromise) Taoism (celestial bureaucracy, many heavens and hells) Buddhism (reincarnation, and the goal of spiritual alchemy is to escape it, and then strive for the cessation of existence) Shintoism (spirits and the worship of them, including ancestral spirits watching over their families) There is death, judgement, a personalized heaven/hell, a dissolving of the soul into the lifestream, then reincarnation, ascension from the cycle to a higher state of being, a "second journey" in the spirit world, then cessation of existence (aka "Nirvana", the state of being, not the grunge-rock band). One last thing, the Gods/Angels/Totems and Devils/Demons/Psychopomps are in opposition to one another, but neither side is "good" or "evil", more "order" and "chaos", pretty much in the D&D sense. Gods, Angels, and Psychopomps are more towards order, while the Devils, Demons, and Totems are more towards chaos. order is "lawful", "stasis", and "altruism" not "good", lawful can mean tyranny, stasis can mean stagnation, and altruism can mean collectivism. chaos is "chaotic", "change", and "selfishness", not "evil", chaotic can mean freedom, change can mean improvement, and selfishness can mean individuality. It makes sense that Totems are aligned with chaos and psychopomps with order when you take into account that they each originated from the other side, who defected from heaven or hell in the "war of traitors". As for how the spirit of a non-living thing can reach enlightenment if it's not being reincarnated, this can be solved in two ways, one is that they already have enlightenment as their natural state, and second is that each has an elemental spirit tied to them that is capable of making the journey on the behalf of the thing they are anchored to, and there are even tech spirits for manufactured things, though something like a robot or AI would have to make the mortal journey to enlightenment before they can make the spiritual journey, as they were designed to perfectly mimic the functions of a living being. >>252 Just using it's concepts as a jumping-off point of inspiration. BTW, of all the WoD lines, the one that best works with "mage" is "changeling" as they both have the common element of the minds of normal humans having a real effect on the player characters, and an internal war among the player's "race" of monsters for what these normal people believe in. The mages want humans to believe in magic, the changelings want humans to believe in faeries. Both were huge dicks to humans in the past (see dark ages: mage and dark ages: fae for a guide to the kind of shit they used to pull on mortals), which resulted in a "sympathetic antagonist" faction of their "race" deciding to try and get the humans to stop empowering magic/faeries with belief and instead focus on science and technology (the technocracy faction of anti-magic mages who promote reason, and the autumn faction of changelings who promote anti-faerie banality). Both have alternate worlds that are less "real" than the "real" world, where their "true" natures as supernatural beings is less threatened by the beliefs of doubting normals (mages have the realms of the umbra, changelings have the realms of the dreaming). Both have objectively evil alternate factions who want to destroy reality for a reset (the nephandi mages that suck souls, and winter faction of changelings that eat babies), and those who've gone crazy and wish to destroy the boundaries between the "real" world and the other world (the marauder mages, who forcibly impose their paradigm on the world and create a ton of paradox, like a curse that turns a town into a wasteland, and the bedlam changelings, who forcibly enchant a bunch of mortals and bring a ton of chimera into the world, like a dragon that eats a bunch of people). You could say the tradition mages are like the summer court of the seelie changelings, very orderly and powerful but stifling, and the craft mages are like the spring court of the unseelie changelings, very chaotic and weak but versitile.
Anytime I sit down to write something It takes a couple hours to get just a few paragraph out, and I feel super pretentious the entire time. I've self diagnosed myself as editing in my head as I find that I'll go prolong periods of time not writing anything interrupted by spurts of activity where I write about one paragraph each time; adding to that, I also rarely go back to make edits of diction or grammar, and the most granular I find my edits to be are moving around or deleting paragraphs. I have no idea how to stop it as I've always written this way since as far back as I remember. I'm also too embarrassed to share what I write, under a name, with anyone as I always include my autistic interest and the rate at which I write and my goals for length means I'll be dead before I finished anything even if I solely focus on one story.
>>254 I find the same thing happens with me, where I get hung up on getting the words and phrasing perfect over actually telling the story. It helps me to do a super rough draft first, by which I mean just ideas, dot points, doodles, but few full sentences. Wait til the end of the scene to string them together into paragraphs. Sometimes I'll write random lines out of order too and use them as a template. Share a few paragraphs of your writing here if you want.
>>254 I have the opposite problem. Everything is basically an outline til I finish. Then I go back and make fixes, and thats my rough draft. Then I show it around get feedback and use that to make a final draft.
>>256 Isn't that the way it's meant to go? You write the rough draft then build the final draft on top of it?
>>257 I think so. I don't know if theres only one way of doing things though. I haven't actually done this since high school. Like 20 years ago.
>>258 Yeah I haven't written much in a while either. Maybe making a post-by-post writing thread would be a good idea. Just haven't thought of a topic.
>>259 I keep thinking of David Feintuch. He isn't the best writer, but I like his first 4 books in the seafort saga. He wasn't a writer, and one day back in the 90's he discovered the internet. So he goes on an early BB or something and discovers a proto /lit/ basically. And he makes threads about horatio hornblower and napoleonic ships. And one day someone made the very thread you are thinking of. The first 4 were all written exactly the way we are writing here. With everyone giving him feedback. And they were so good. The others he wrote by himself are god fucking awful. I need to study his works to see if those threads are around still somewhere. I'd love to see what they were doing different. But I suspect nothing.
>>255 I've sort of tried that by making notes about the world and a 10000 foot outline, but I usually end up falling down a hole by spending hours researching something super esoteric for my world building. I think I just have to bite the bullet and practice timed essay-length writing prompts to build my speed and overcome my fear of trashing an hour's work. Anyway, here's something I started a year ago with probably something like 25 hours of time on it spread out over two months (I seem to have a pretty bad work ethic too). The "autistic interest" is furry stuff; there's TF in here but nothing lewd I promise. I actually find myself liking the non-lewd or really light stuff more anyway. I felt a yawn coming on as I cracked my eyes to the familiar site of my living room as seen, sideways, from one end of my couch. Feeling it be a bit too soon to start moving around again, I let my eyes wonder, enjoying the sense of seeing I only got after waking up from a successful nap. There was something peculiar about what I saw; everything felt a bit farther away and larger than what I was accustom to, and casting my gaze upward, I was entranced by the starbursts that developed around the lights on the ceiling, for they too were different from what I had come to expect, having had a quarter of my life filled with the occasional glance towards them. The vertical arms that appear when I cut my eyes at them were still there, but they were nearly drown out by the new horizontal ones that grew more defined as I stared. Realizing I was going blind, I forced myself to look away with a growing unease as the new sights started to get processed while my brain spooled up from sleep mode. Something was definitely wrong, and no information was coming back to me that could be used to console myself. The metaphorical DEFCON watch in my mind stepped up a level as I decided I needed get up right now. With what should have been a mundane motion to push aside the comforter and sit up turned into an awkward flail. Growing entangled in the pile of cloth above me, I started to panic and put my whole body into escaping: kicking my legs, twisting my body, and digging my hands into anything I could make purchase on. My efforts were rewarded as I wrestled free from the tangled mess and fell unceremoniously off the couch and onto my back. Bringing an arm up to rub the back of my head, I froze and attempted a what the hell, but all that I heard was a gargled series of high pitch cries. What I saw wasn't the hand I remember falling asleep with, and despite not believing in the cliche, the back of this hand wasn't like any hand I was use to seeing. I wouldn't even call it a hand if it weren't attached to my body... or whatever body my mind seemed to be controlling at the moment. A hand with subtle wrinkles around the base of each digit and speckled with follicles where covert hairs sprouted was replaced with the paw of an animal; the dark brown fur, substitute for the hair that was, obscured the skin below hiding any wrinkle one would wish to see as a modicum of connection to a body now lost. Stubby fingers extruded from the main body ending in sharp talons, and brown fleshy pads poked through the fur on the palmar side. Making the most of what I had, I maneuvered the body to lay on its stomach and looked around my apartment. Nothing was out of place, and the strangest thing was most certainly whatever had afflicted me at the moment. Maybe this is a dream, I thought to myself. It seems too lucid for any dream I'm use to; moreover, my dreams always deteriorate once I attempt to step outside their rules. With a strategy in place to end my nightmare, I willed the universe to bend around me. I tried anything: materializing things from thin air, attempting to fly, and changing myself back to who I was, all things I've tried in earnest during past dreams that caused "reality" to fold in on itself, but nothing broke through the veil of dreamland nor did anything become of my wishes. I was still lying prone on the floor in the body of some creature, sobering up to the thought that I may not, in fact, be dreaming. I made to stand expecting some form of resistance given the struggle with the comforter, but as all the textiles were left behind up on the couch, including my clothes that I somehow struggled out of, I was met with none. Taking tentative steps, I focused on the foreign yet intuitive mechanics of this body's gait and discovered that I had a near complete sense of kinesthesia for it. Flowing up from the footfalls, my focus traveled along muscles and bones as I mapped out the body's general shape. It was quadrupedal with a sizable tail, long enough to drag along the ground if not held aloft, the hind legs had significant strength (I'm confident they could propel this body several times its length into the air), the spine was flexible enough to bring its head to tail and then some, and atop the head were a pair of ears which could be manipulate to face forward or back. Focusing on my sight again, I steered the body towards my bathroom hoping to make use of the full size mirror attached to the door; luckily, the door was open, and there was enough light coming in from the living room to make out what I saw as I stood before the now towering pane of glass. Staring back was the creature I felt in body: a vermilion coat with speckles of ash and soot, as if borne to the aftermath of a destructive fire, covered most of the creature; the dark brown fur of the hand-turned-paw was matched to the hind legs and on the backsides of the ears along with an accent running from the inner corners of the eyes to halfway down the muzzle; a black nose marked the start of white fur which ran along the underside of the jaw, down the throat, and terminating some point past the stomach, out of view, only to reappear on the very tip of a tail slowly meandering in the rear; and finally, coloring a set of eyes with slit pupils was a familiar shade of brown. All this to say, I was staring at a red fox. This was the closest I've ever been to a red fox. The closest anyone has been to a red fox. One could not come closer, save for some other definition of closeness; one which I probably wouldn't be capable arguing against given the muzzle that sat between my eyes. Sitting back and drawing a deep breath before letting out a long sigh, I looked down and brought a paw up to make of it again now that the effects of adrenaline were wearing off. I didn't panic this time, but the sight was still somewhat surreal with the only grounding truth being the mimicked movement in the mirror as I flexed the wrist to and fro. The fox in the reflection perked its ears as I was struck with a way to test if I was hallucinating. Getting to my feet, I trotted back out to my couch and stood to root through the blanket for my pants. With some difficulty and having to resort to using my mouth, I managed to retrieve my cell phone out of its pocket. Clattering to the floor accompanied by the rhythm of my mental curses, my phone slid away from me coming to a stop next to a note I hadn't noticed before: >137 Glade run road. >0 0 31 8 * 5486 E Cir. >0 0 */14 * * here, there, South 1200m East oak near lake, 600m down road drainage pipe, TBD... Perplexed both by the contents and the origin of this note but still dead set on proving my hypothesis, I awkwardly grasped it between two digits and placed it on the coffee table before returning to my phone. Traversing the touch screen was difficult. Having claws on the tips of my fingers was preventing me from making touches, so I was forced to use the edge of a palm and had to deal with the common miss-click. After several minutes of frustration, I managed to get to what I was looking for, and moving to stand directly over top of the phone. I saw my ears fold back at me.
>>260 >The first 4 were all written exactly the way we are writing here. With everyone giving him feedback. And they were so good. The others he wrote by himself are god fucking awful Ha. I'll try to come up with some ideas, we could have a bunch of ongoing stories. I'll give you some feedback on your writing sample in a bit.
I mean I hope that one of you is david, and if I can just make the right thread, and keep it active, then one day I'll get some more hyper religious Horatio Hornblower in space. Because David's dead, and his descendants will never release his last fully finished, fully polished book. Or maybe something unexpected. Something I needed to read but never knew was even possible.
>>261 I think you have a good concept but the elaborate prose is really holding it back. Yes, you're capable of writing lovely sentences but you need to let the story flow a bit better -- you're slowing it right down by shying away from short sentences. It's not a bad thing to write simply in a lot of cases. Especially here, it would help readers get into the narrator's head if you used more of a flow-of-consciousness style. E.g. >Sitting back and drawing a deep breath before letting out a long sigh, I sat back. Drew a deep breath and let it out again. >I didn't panic this time, It wasn't especially clear from the writing that the narrator was panicking. The problem is that your sentences are lengthy and complex, which is good for some situations but not when you're writing strong emotional moments. Reads more like a biology textbook than a terrible realisation. So use shorter, punchier sentences. On the same note, it feels like we're watching from afar rather than being inside the character's mind. Of course this criticism isn't valid if your intention was to be detached and dream-like. An example with a suggested alternative: >The fox in the reflection perked its ears as I was struck with a way to test if I was hallucinating "Jesus... I've gone fucking insane", I whispered to the fox in the reflection. Or just anything that showcases the protagonist's shock better. Maybe he doesn't say anything, just stares blankly at the animal in the mirror. >had to deal with the common miss-click True, but it kind of detracts from the tension to bring up such a trivial annoyance. Maybe write that he was infuriated because he had to try half a dozen times to type each letter and he felt his ears going back (or however foxes display rage). Maybe that's too cheesy. You could simply say something like "...I was forced to use the edge of my palm to clumsily enter the letters." It is tempting to delve into detail, but I think you would benefit from cutting out the fluff some. E.g. >With what should have been a mundane motion to push aside the comforter and sit up turned into an awkward flail. Growing entangled in the pile of cloth above me, I started to panic and put my whole body into escaping: kicking my legs, twisting my body, and digging my hands into anything I could make purchase on. My efforts were rewarded as I wrestled free from the tangled mess and fell unceremoniously off the couch and onto my back. Yeah this is nice descriptive writing but it adds nothing to the story. Just filler before you get to the meat. IMO it would suffice to just say his limbs were unwieldy/heavy and he fell over the edge. If you were trying to make the point that he fell into an animalistic panic, make that clearer. Something like "I writhed and tore at the sheets in a blind terror that I'd never known before". >The metaphorical DEFCON watch in my mind stepped up a level as I decided I needed get up right now. Obviously it's not a literal alarm going off in his head. No need to spell it out for the reader. Just say "inner" or "internal" DEFCON. As an aside, it doesn't make sense to have to DEFCON line if the guy's deciding to get up by his own will. Maybe "as I knew I had to get up right now" or "and I needed to get up right now". >despite not believing in the cliche, the back of this hand wasn't like any hand I was use to seeing I know what you're getting at here but it's a strange way of putting it. Try "In defiance of the old cliché...". >A hand with subtle wrinkles around the base of each digit and speckled with follicles where covert hairs sprouted was replaced with the paw of an animal; the dark brown fur, substitute for the hair that was, obscured the skin below hiding any wrinkle one would wish to see as a modicum of connection to a body now lost. This is good but very wordy. Try something like "My own hand -- subtly wrinkled, speckled with follicles, sprouting with soft "covert" is misplaced here hairs -- was no longer there. Attached to my arm was the paw of an animal..." etc. And finally, a handful of nitpicks. "Lay" is transitive, "lie" is intransitive. You lay a book on a table, but you lie on the bed. Can get confusing since lay is also the past tense of lie. borne = carried, born = birthed miss-click should be misclick. Miss = not hit, mis- = do something wrongly (prefix) >brown fleshy pads poked through the fur on the palmar side If "palmar" is a word, it's not one I've ever seen before. I would say "palmwards" but I'm prone to slightly whimsical words. You could just say "palm side". >Flowing up from the footfalls A footfall is just a footstep you hear. You meant to say "awkward steps/gait" or something. >I was entranced by the starbursts that developed around the lights on the ceiling Sounds a bit static to use simple past "developed" here. Try "were developing" or "had begun to develop" -- these verb forms have a more certain point in time so they paint a clearer image of what's going on. Odd word choices: >successful nap refreshing/satisfying nap >cracked my eyes cracked my eyes open >cut my eyes at them squinted at them >vertical arms rays/beams >make purchase on find purchase on There's no other way around these, you just need to read widely and make note of the exact phrases. Also, check your past participles -- the correct forms are "used to", "drowned" and "accustomed". Read your writing aloud and add a comma whenever you take a breath. This would help with the comprehension of your longer sentences. What's your mother tongue, by the way? Do you usually translate or write straight into English? All that being said, it is nice writing. The main thing you should work on is having simpler sentences.
>>264 >Reads more like a biology textbook than a terrible realisation. That makes sense. I guess my technical writing has completely consumed my writing style, but I find writing a bunch of simple sentences causes everything to fly by and merely splitting my compound sentences and removing the conjunction to be too stilted. I could delete my semicolons in these cases, though. > it feels like we're watching from afar rather than being inside the character's mind. That's a little bit of what I'm going for. I tried to write in such a way that the text was describing the protagonist's thought process and with only the knowledge that he had at the time, sort of as if the character was retelling his experience as he watches himself back in the third person from an indeterminate time in the future. >As an aside, it doesn't make sense to have to DEFCON line if the guy's deciding to get up by his own will. My intention with using "DEFCON" here was to describe the character's increase in awareness from a sense of danger, putting him on edge even though nothing is actively happening at the moment. Something akin to going from DEFCON 5 to 4 or 4 to 3, you're not directly in danger, but there's something you should be aware of. >borne = carried, born = birthed I was under the impression they were the same verb, "to bear," but "born" is used in cases of literal child birth and "borne" everywhere else. >A footfall is just a footstep you hear. You meant to say "awkward steps/gait" or something. I was trying to make a metaphor between the sound waves and the character's perception sweeping over his body there. >"drowned" and "accustomed". I might be susceptible to dropping "ed" on words that end in a nasal. I'll have to watch out for those. > Read your writing aloud and add a comma whenever you take a breath. This would help with the comprehension of your longer sentences. I'm kind of hesitant to do this as I've always seen commas as a marker for syntax than pauses in speech. I'd rather rewrite something if it comes off as too garden-pathy. >What's your mother tongue, by the way? Do you usually translate or write straight into English? I'm a native speaker of American English probably closes to the Midland dialect, so I have the cot-caught merger, "off of" is a valid preposition, some verbs have picked up a "strong verb" past tense ("dove," "snuck," etc.), and "me" and "my" are both valid before gerunds and sometimes have distinct meanings ("He hates me/my cooking.") to name a few of my idiosyncrasies. I'll try to apply your advice to that passage and hopefully come back with something better.
>>265 >causes everything to fly by Not a bad thing. I personally hate pynchon or any author who makes me read 20 pages to get two seconds of action, but I also really like turn of the century pulps.
>>265 >That makes sense. I guess my technical writing has completely consumed my writing style, but I find writing a bunch of simple sentences causes everything to fly by and merely splitting my compound sentences and removing the conjunction to be too stilted. I could delete my semicolons in these cases, though. >That's a little bit of what I'm going for. I tried to write in such a way that the text was describing the protagonist's thought process and with only the knowledge that he had at the time, sort of as if the character was retelling his experience as he watches himself back in the third person from an indeterminate time in the future. Sure. Yeah in that case it works better with the sentence length and distant vantage point, but I would definitely tone up the dream-like stuff so it's less dry. The "Focusing on my sight again" paragraph is a good example of what I mean. >I was under the impression they were the same verb, "to bear," but "born" is used in cases of literal child birth and "borne" everywhere else. Technically yes, but you used the wrong one. >I was trying to make a metaphor between the sound waves and the character's perception sweeping over his body there. Just reads a little strange since footfalls are usually something you hear from afar. If that was your aim, consider drawing more attention to the word so it doesn't stick out so much. Even just "the sound of my footfalls". >I'm kind of hesitant to do this as I've always seen commas as a marker for syntax than pauses in speech. I'd rather rewrite something if it comes off as too garden-pathy. They serve as both. It just makes it easier to read rather than one unbroken barrage of words. E.g. >Clattering to the floor accompanied by the rhythm of my mental curses, my phone slid away from me coming to a stop next to a note I hadn't noticed before If you read the second part of this sentence aloud, it sounds unnatural and rushed. If you add a comma after "me", which is where your voice naturally pauses, it sounds and reads more flowing. What's "garden-pathy"? >I'm a native speaker of American English Oh whoops. My apologies. You probably have a few word variations where you live, because a few phrases you used gave me the impression that you weren't a native speaker.
>>267 >What's "garden-pathy"? A garden-path sentence is one where the syntax is different from what a reader would parse on the first read through. The parse is ungrammatical (which differentiates a garden-path sentence from an ambiguous one), so the reader has to go back and reread the sentence to get its true syntax. The popular example is: >The old man the boats. As one reads this example, the words "the old man" are parsed as a noun phrase, but as one reads the rest of the sentence "the boats," another noun phrase, the resulting sentence doesn't make sense. One has to go back and conclude that the correct parse is "[the old] man [the boats]" where "man" is a verb. As it is, I have an example from the passage I wrote. Where I have >... and finally, coloring a set of eyes with slit pupils was a familiar shade of brown. I originally wrote >... and finally, a familiar shade of brown colored a set of eyes with slit pupils. When I came back to the sentence a month later, I realized that "colored" really wanted to pair up with "brown" instead of acting as a verb. >a few phrases you used gave me the impression that you weren't a native speaker. I've been known to be pretty liberal about what words belong to idioms, and most of my extended vocabulary is full of technical jargon, so I'm not too surprised.
>>272 >A garden-path sentence is one where the syntax is different from what a reader would parse on the first read through. Oh yeah. Never knew there was a word for that. As for the writing threads, I think I'll start with a fantasy setting since I find that easiest to write without putting too much thought in. Still have to do some worldbuilding first though.
>>272 That's a thing? And it was intentional this whole time? Well now I just need to know who is responsible for this to vent my spleen. Anon I find two of those in a book I throw it in the trash. Personally.
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I had an ambition of stimulating human progress through writing by reconstructing history entirely. The basic gist originally was starting from the very beginning by studying how universes were made and trying to alter details from there for different results. That took a left turn due to the limitations of knowledge of our own universe so I then tried for using a human equivalent sort of entity and having it interact with others of its own kind with a world that was intended to have certain basic parameters governed by dice rolls. I'm not sure why I stopped, but it was brute forcing through creating civilization based on thought alone, from the very basics of language, to warfare and strategy, I do still wonder how a limited point of view and understanding of our world would paint a picture of reality, and if such a picture could be applicable. Was it too naive, or did it require more minds to be feasable?
>>330 > I do still wonder how a limited point of view and understanding of our world would paint a picture of reality You yourself are an example of this, but if you want a novel point of view try looking up videos of the machine learning algorithms deep dreaming. An algorithm that was trained to recognize images of things like dogs, people, plants, and buildings will have a very limited understanding of our universe, and allowing it to deep dream will show you just how distorted a functional understanding (in terms of being able to categorize things) can be. Deep dreams work by feeding in a random image into an AI, getting the continuous output from the AI on what it thinks it is (e.g there's a 32.87% chance the image contains a dog), modifying the image to maximize those values, and repeating the process with the image. The videos on the subject also tend to "zoom" the images in so the AI doesn't settle on a single image. What you get out is a series of images which approaches the distilled understanding of the values you chose to maximize in the AI
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