>I do not enjoy the process of drawing.
Do you find the process physically/emotionally/mentally painful? Just boring? I don't believe you have to enjoy it per se, but is the experience negative?
>I find looking at the finished piece more enjoyable. I like watching live drawing too.
Have you ever enjoyed looking at your own finished product? Not even in a "it's a good piece of work" fashion, but, just comparing what you made at first to what you are making now?
>I picked up drawing because I was bored.
As good as anything to pick up I suppose. Recall why exactly?
>Life was beginning to feel meaningless and everyday I would wake up with the feeling of emptiness in my heart. I decided that drawing would fill the void and make my life meaningful again.
Decent strategy, good to keep doing something
instead of nothing, you can try and isolate what you did find meaningful, see if it's really only in drawing or if it might show up in other places.
>So I suppose drawing is kind of meaningful? It is not really a passion or anything though.
>Just a hobby to kill time.
It doesn't need to be a passion to be meaningful, it can just be a good guide to get you closer to something important, and if it's just to kill time anything will do, won't it?
Now that I have more context.
>The simplest explanation I could give is that things are boring at the lowest level of competence but as our ability rises the frustration lowers.
>Learning to draw without prior experience is just as unpleasant as learning to ride a bike when you cannot even maintain balance.
>This also explains why I enjoy activities I am proficient at despite things being much harder at a higher level.
This general rule applies to everything, you tend to be good at things you enjoy, but, you also tend to enjoy what you are good at. This isn't always the case, but in general
, this is how it works. However, if you don't enjoy it, and you aren't good at it, then it's going to be tough fight getting to where you are actually good at it. Which is where the meaningful angle comes in.
>"Just draw and you will improve bro" is easy in theory but difficult in practice though and I really do not want to spend more time struggling.
That is not easy in theory, it is simple. Simple things can be incredibly difficult. No one wants to spend time working on things they assume
they will never be good at either, it's an understandable feeling.
>I started drawing during the covid lockdown but I feel like I am still in the beginner phase.
Have you compared your work at the very start to where you are now, or are you comparing your work to where others are?
>I am not sure I want to put more time into drawing anymore because the realization that I am below-mediocre even after more than a year of practice is disheartening.
>Meanwhile I do not want to give up because I have already spent a lot of time and money on this hobby. I know that this is a sunken cost fallacy but I cannot help feeling this way.
>Since this board is full of professional artists I would appreciate if you could share your experience from when you were a beginner to help me make an enlightened decision.
Here are my thoughts on the matter.
If you're just doing this to kill time, and you're not enjoying it, fuck off. Pushing yourself to do it will just make you resent the activity. I'm not saying you need "passion" to be good, but rather your frustration and resentment will build up faster than your skill if you force these types of situations, and you will actively sabotage yourself, as you have discovered.
There is a very real and visceral possibility you will never be good enough to sell your work comfortable, or bar that, never even produce anything worth looking at. Over the course of thousands of years millions of others have broke themselves on those rocks having never made anything that anybody gives a shit about. I will say that drawing gets easier the better you get at it, that goes back to what I already mentioned. People tend to be good at things they like, but it's also true that people tend to like things they are good it, and the constant erosion of how shit you are can wear you down.
The most important thing you need to realize though, at least diagnosing you from a distance, having only read two god damn posts with which to know you, is that you do not enjoy the "play" of making art, but I do not detect a single enjoyment or vision of what you want to do
with art. Drawing as a gestalt is an activity designed to bring something
into existence, the better you are, the easier it is to bring that something here. You can either enjoy the process, and not give a single shit about what you produce (porn artists who will draw literally anything fall here, the type of people to draw fanart go here), or, you can feel neutral or even hate the process, but feel there is something so vitally important you need to get out that it needs to be done or something awful will fucking happen.
I can now only branch into the anecdotal. I hate how much I suck at drawing. Seeing myself physically failing to make something look good tears me into pieces. It grinds me down, and makes me never want to look at a page again. Yet, the crushing overwhelming feeling I have every single fucking day, is that if I do not try to get that much better
, if I do not try doing something
to improve at my craft, something terrible will fucking happen. I don't know what, I don't know why, I don't fucking know any of that shit. All I know is that if I get into bed, and I didn't do any drawing practice that day, I feel physically ill. Yet deep inside of me, if I git gud at what I am doing, if I get good enough, something wonderful could happen, something important could help, and the world could be that much better.
Maybe my rambling hasn't touched you at all, maybe you didn't even read this shit, hell if I know. Thank you for reading if you did. It doesn't need to be black and white either, maybe you just need a short break to prevent burn out, maybe you never try again, there's no shame in leaving what is an incredibly painful thing to get good at. I leave the question up to you, why are you drawing? What are you trying to do? Or what do you actually enjoy?