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Warhammer fantasy and 40k general Anonymous 07/11/2021 (Sun) 21:13:20 No. 318
In this thread we talk about warhammer. And then we paint figurines.
This quiet offends Slaanesh
I think space marines are really cool. They kill xenos and don't afraid of anything.
So what's the deal with like a primarch coming back and new space marines and shit?
>>386 The short version is GW wanted to siphon a whole bunch of money from neckbeards
>>391 Yeah, I mean I got that part. And I hear a lot of speculation that this is all gonna go age of sigmar pretty soon. But I guess what I am looking for are two things, an in universe lore explanation for what the hell is going on, and a list of books where this is occuring. Unless the only lore is coming from core rulebooks, in which case I don't really wanna read those. I guess with siege of Terra coming to close in a year or two, theres no more horus heresy to milk, and this will provide a backdrop for a new line of books somewhere in 2025. In which case cool I guess, and I hope guy haley and gav thorpe are fired by then.
>>392 So good news. Some of the books detailing all the new events are written. Uh actually the first came out in 2017. Bad news. Guy haley has been the writer of every single one so far.
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A reminder of what 40k is today.
>>402 GW can go fuck themselves, honestly.
Why didn't the Emperor outright kill Horus immediately? His hesitation was what led to his crippling, and being imprisoned upon the golden throne. Everything that occured up to that point was more or less according to his plan. When he finally decided to act he smote Horus from existence, utterly and completely, using nothing but his psyker powers. But in hesitating he was crippled. This one act undid all his plans and led to the Imperium we all know. I have a theory. In a short story Malcador admits that the ultimate goal was eternal life for all mankind. He tells a dying women to give herself to the Emperor, and he would catch her. Implying that the Emperor can sustain and protect souls in the Empyreon, or Warp as it is known, and then later says he lies to them. Until such a time as it can be true. Later in the dark empire books we see the Emperor ten thousand years later. And he is described as one soul among many, some of which are named. Malcador for instance is there. So clearly he can sustain some souls indefinitely, but not all, and possibly at some cost to himself. So here's my theory. When he came upon Horus he saw his favorite son Sanguinius dying. And loving him as he never did most of his children he saved his soul, this process took effort or distracted him, or was simply time consuming, such that Horus was able to cripple him while this was occurring. And so the ultimate error was done from love. With the siege of terra books almost wrapped up we shall see some answer to this question, or at least some more hints. But for myself this explanation finally grants some peace as concerns this error. And also redeems some of the Emperors character as it relates to the Primarchs. Thoughts?
Games Workshop is literally, in all sense, full of shit. https://archive.ph/1HBTb Also commies are trying to force GW to denounce their own chicken of the golden eggs because fascism.
>>405 Huh, they seem to worship Slaanesh these days, and yet it is papa Nurgle who chooses to bless them.
>>406 More like a curse. Not even the chaos gods can take GW's bullshit.
>>407 They really are nothing but trash these days. Fitting that a studio of shit is now literally filled with shit.
>>408 I only play AoS because I'm tired starting with so many alternative games jut to play with the same 4 guys. I even feel guilty liking the new orcs.
>>409 I never played or read any of the warhammer books. My knowledge is purely 40k. I am very curious why theres all the anger with AoS. What exactly changed? And as a related question why is it the cause of so much anger?
>>410 Because they killed Warhammer Fantasy in the most retarded stupid way, they made the first edition a meme full piece of shit and made all old miniatures "legends", which mean you can't use them in tournaments. The second edition was more or less good and the orcs had a chance, then came the third edition and in the new battletome they castrated all the orcs to sell more Kruleboys which were the broken army at the momment. Also there is no balance and people playing giants or lizardmen win tournaments with little efford thanks to broken rules and Gotrek.
>>411 Wow they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot. I have heard of Gotrek and felix from a raging lefty I used to know. For obvious reasons never bothered with the william king books. Funny that they made him OP in the tabletop game. So they ruined balance completely. Wow that's dumb. The tabletop game should be the flagship product, really short sighted to break it.
>>412 They also dumbed down the rules for an audience who would never spend hundreds of dollars in plastic toys. They also killed lots of fan animations to sell the shitty Warhammer+ app. Yeah, you could win in the court of law, but good luck trying to sue us without losing all your money thanks to our jew lawyers abusing legal loopholes.
>>413 Yeah I saw that video announcing no more Emperor text to speech. And all for what? A streaming service we all know is gonna die within a year. GW seems to hate it's fanbase only slightly more than they hate themselves. It's insanely disappointing.
>>414 They want to sell the Warhammer IPs like Marvel and Disney do, as livestyle brands. That's why the funko pops, the new shitty books and the action pictures. The CEO was from Hasbro, and they were the responsible in killing D&D. There is only you and me in the board, aren't we?
>>415 Oh shit that explains it. It's just a shame to see a company with great lore kill itself. Like watching a friend die from alcoholism, disgracing himself and pushing all his friends away. yeah, well I mean theres a MTG guy, but he just stays in his own thread
>>416 Well, there might be a lot more of shit that I don't know, but it will be fun to see GW kill themselves with retardness in the short term.
>>417 Yeah as badly as they have mishandled their own properties they deserve to perish, and there's always an outside chance that when they do go bankrupt someone responsible will buy them out. We can hope right? Of course restoring good will among the fans would be a Herculean effort.
So, there are rumours that the orruks are going to get a point cost increase out of nowhere, the same with Kragnos which is already useless.
>>429 Lol >gays workshop >gleefully fucking our own shit up for the greater glory of chaos
Based general. expected this board to be a new flavour of Democrat activism when I clicked on it first ngl.
That is brilliant because it is an exact synonym of what I said anyway.
>>438 >>439 It's a legacy board so I sometimes forget that the initials can mean something else. Lol And yeah the global word filters change that on every board to democratic activism, which is true. That's what it is. Based admins.
>>415 Is called three-dee printah.
>>440 Brainlet
>>447 Yo momma
Astartes among loyalist forces are typically recruited young. For the majority of chapters these space marines are recruited before puberty or during it. Therefore we can say with some degree of accuracy that your typical Astartes is socially retarded around women, and furthermore is probably a virgin. Some stories touch on exactly these points, with sisters of battle lusting after some blood angel or ultramarine who just doesn't realize it, or a human female will flirt with an astartes only for it to be taken the wrong way. As part of the process of becoming Astartes involves one's testicals being blown up inside the body, and the production of testosterone being then produced by some other organ, we can theorize that a Space Marine has no libido. The sons of Russ, the space wolves however do things differently. They recruit solely from battle tested warriors, who are typically in the 20-30 year old range. These men have already lived a life of strong alcoholic drinks, and hundreds of loose women. And so they are the sole Legion to actually flirt with girls, that being said it is debatable whether they are even able to actually go through with the act even if an opportunity presented itself. As physically they may lack the ability to even get an erection. Certainly there has never been a recorded instance of an Astartes with a boner. So Astartes don't have sex ever, but its not a big deal because they never did to begin with. They have no idea what they are missing and so never feel it's loss. Contrast this with the Emperor's Children. A rebel legion which worships Slaanesh and are known to rape people to death. In fact so wild about rape are they that if there was ever anywhere in the galaxy that produced artificial cocks designed to attach to stc dreadnaught designs, and hook up artifical nerves to the inhabitant of said dreadnaught. Well it would be them. Did their apothecaries make Astartes Viagra? Is it simply a mutation? The only way to know for sure would be to conduct a thorough analysis of a captured EC legionary. But who would conduct such a test? And for what reason? And here's where the whole thing ties together. The Space Wolves. They alone miss fucking, and they alone are known to get drunk off a special homebrew they make. I posit that at some point during the ten thousand years from m31 to m41 a Space Wolf squad or possibly company got really drunk, told a bunch of stories of sexual exploits to each other, and then started bemoaning the last couple hundred year dry spell they had experienced since becoming Astartes. Then in a drunken stupor (and accompanied by a couple dreadnaughts looking for robo dicks) they embarked on a sort of panty raid of an EC vessel. Using a boarding torpedo assault they land simultaneously in the EC apothecary, and it's machine shops. After locating enough space viagra and robo dicks to last the next couple decades the two forces fight towards the hangers, commandeer a thunderhawk, and fuck off back to Fenris, where they then go on a month long drinking binge and brothel visit tour, which takes them all across Fenris. Logically it must have occured at least once, and is possibly a semi-regular thing. Maybe there is a special enmity between the two legions, a hatred from the EC over those goddamned furries who show up and steal all the party favors. Idk. Just some thoughts.
Sanguinius fell to the black rage, killed horus, and then the Emps showed up. So he gouged his eye out, ripped his arm out of its socket, and beat his leg off his body. So the Emps killed him. And that's the true story.
You ever read a book. Something from a long series with a buncha different writers. And it just sucks? Bad characterization, or just weird out of character dialogue? Well David Annandale was hired to write one of the Primarch books. These are pre heresy stories delving into what makes these characters tick. A deep dive into a personality. And this is the most important primarch what with being recently resurrected and all. You'd think theyd do a good job. Not... Churn out weird homo fantasies about Roboute banging his kids. But this is what we got. Excerpt follows. 'Of course my primarch.' Gage responded cautiously. Guilliman slowly raised the Hand of Domination, and turned towards Marius Gage. 'This will only sting a little Marius,' he said, with a small disarming smile. Marius Gage, with no small amount of trepidation, eyed the glowing Hand of Domination. 'Father,' he said quietly. ' Are you sure this will lead to a better understanding of your tactics?' Guilliman moved close to Marius and placed a sure hand upon his back, guiding him to bend over and face away. 'Of course my son,' he said confidently. 'Pain is a wonderful teacher, and nothing in our arsenal of awesomeness brings more pain than the Hand.' With sure movements Guilliman raised the Hand of Domination and slammed it into Gage's backside. Light erupted in a brilliant flash, and smoke gently drifted from Gage's cauterized rectum. 'My lord,' Marius gasped, as a single tear of painjoy rolled out from the corner of his eye. 'What do you call this mighty move?!' 'I call it powerfisting my son,' Guilliman said, laughter drifting quietly at the end of his response. 'It is..' Marius hesitated, his bowels rumbled with tension, his butt cheeks vibrated rapidly. 'Truly full of awesomeness!' Gage was a fraction of a second slow to begin to follow, as if his mind were somewhere back in the paths of their conversation. >armory of awesomeness >full of awesome >painjoy >cauterized rectum What in the fuck did we just read.

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