SUCCESSFUL TOURNEY TODAY
Thanks to all the lads who showed up, we had a ton of fun putting it all together and hosting everything. For those who missed the games today, here's a recap:
Warmup / waiting for stragglers with a "peaceful knife fight", where all kingdoms joined together to celebrate their culture by slaughtering gorillas in a ghetto with knives. Lots of butchering gains were made and some giggles were had.
After that, participants were given cryptic instructions and told that they would be "sent down to caves to perform a special ritual" and given unique colored uniforms to wear. A pair of "CIA agents" were infiltrating the participants and trying to keep their cover, but the tourney attendees bravely put on their uniforms and ventured into the unknown caverns, all the while cautious of the impostors lurking among them. The first round had three of the six objectives completed right away while Topbob and Dakini killed many stragglers and escaped through the vents, then Dakini was deemed "sus" and summarily executed. Topbob kept his cool just long enough to stall the first round into a victory for him.
The second round, several objectives were shuffled around the caverns to mix things up a bit. Reimu and Nobody were the impostors, and they cleverly picked off loners and double-teamed the last pair of players in a brutal show of dominance, netting a strong win with plenty of time left on the clock.
For performing well in the AMOGUS ritual, the players Topbob, Nobody, and Reimu were made captains of their own teams in the "Bedwar League". Major league bedball has slightly different rules than the casual leagues, and these captains drafted their team members carefully: "Team Topbob" took in Janon and Ursurper, "Team Nobody" had Shoepolish and Excelsior, and "Team Reimu" was an all-star cast of McBastard and Dakini.
The first round was a ferocious battle of attrition, with the bed moving inches and occasionally feet at a time. A startling new technique was seen from Team Reimu: using a combination of "move to center" and "place" commands to rapidly pull the bed towards their goal. The first round ended with a slow and steady inching towards the Team Reimu goals.
Next round, all participants were aware of this special technique, and the conflict had evolved: this time, the bed teleported around faster than the eye could track, like quantum superposition. It moved so rapidly across such vast distances that it was almost impossible to push the bed at all. After a long, ferocious, and prolonged battle the bed eventually flickered several times into the goal of Team Reimu, netting them a second win.
The third battle turned this super-powered technique up to eleven, instant-bedmission too quick to follow, until suddenly McBastard rolled up in his wagon, speared the bed with his cursor like a master fisherman, and then loaded it into his wagon which he proceeded to drive into his team's goal and unload.
Seconds after the bed was loaded, the badmin team quietly spawned a second bed and activated their sleeper team of Coteaulaix, Doop, and Commiegator. As the other teams argued over the legality of wagon usage in bed wars, the sleeper team quietly and efficiently did their work, then the badmins announced that it was actually a "BUNK BED ROUND" and the match was still in progress.
Immediately every member of every team ran off to find a cart or wagon, and Excelsior reclaimed his lonely kingdom's stolen wagon from MR amidst the chaos. Unfortunately at this point things get a little hazy and we couldn't really keep track of where the 4th bed went, but Team Reimu ultimately won, and each member of the other teams were given some sleep powder as a consolation prize.
Thanks to everyone for coming, and we're thrilled that everybody had such a good time.
I'm surprised the serb is still up, but I'll stick with it and keep doing events as long as there's a population to enjoy them.
Expect news about the upcoming "mega-dungeon" in a few days. Thanks again lads, tonight was fun.