But my emotions never changed. That same mix of love and hatred never left my heart. Years later I learned from my mistakes and, without giving details that would come off like bragging, I have been significantly more successful getting chicks when I feel like putting in the effort to bother to meet them. But rarely do I feel like putting in the effort. She defined what was attractive to me. Even though she wasn't what is typically treated as "hot," I've been calibrated by my experience with her, and now my attraction to other girls is largely based on how much they look like her, which is never enough. Not only that, but we actually had common interests. We were both young and inexperienced, and, at least I thought, both still innocent and optimistic. I guess she wasn't as optimistic as me, and after what happened with her, I've never been optimistic again. Realizing how badly I misjudged her turned me into a very jaded person. "Losing your innocence" is a euphemism for having sex for the first time, but I think the phrase fits more appropriately for getting romantically/sexually rejected for the first time, because it shattered my illusions and took away a naivete that I almost wish I still had. Having sex didn't make me feel like a different person, but this did. I don't like the person I am now. But at least now I'm right. I don't regret my later decisions, but I wish they weren't necessary.
She was a quiet, shy, nerdy, rather conservative girl. Needless to say, those are hard to find, and no amount of hatefucking SJWs, and women that say they aren't SJWs but still fundamentally act like them, achieves the happiness I felt just from thinking that I could one day love a girl that I thought I actually got along with, that I thought was actually my friend. Oh, and that, at least to my knowledge, wasn't a slut. She was the last girl I ever respected, and the last that ever felt like my equal. I know better now, but I almost wish I didn't. I haven't been able to find a non-slut since. At least none that are of legal age. I don't mean I haven't been able to fuck a non-slut, I mean I literally haven't been able to find a non-slut. Literally every legal age woman that I've seen in the last decade has been a gross slut, and I'm not attracted to them, not even the ones I actually boned.
I spent the next few years posting her parents' phone number in prank call threads on 4chan and telling people to ask for her mom and say that they saw her dad out with another woman. I didn't have the means to check if it ever had substantial effects, but it's still a slight solace. Eventually moot banned prank call threads, like the cuck he turned out to be, and that was the last easy outlet that I could think of. But not the last I thought of her. One time I had to make a Facebook account for a job, and she was recommended as a friend. Needless to say, she did not accept my request, which I swear I only sent because I was trying to fill out my list with as many people who actually went to the same schools/workplaces as me as possible, under the advice that it makes my account look legitimate. See, I otherwise wouldn't try to add her, because just seeing her profile picture after nearly a decade felt nearly as devastating as all the days that I wasted thinking I was friends with someone who only had disdain for me.
And since it was also brought up in this thread, no, rape isn't a solution. She should not be rewarded, and dick is a reward. Feminists can complain all they want, but sex feels good for them too, and I wouldn't want to make her feel good. And I'm sure by now she's turned into the same type of used up slut that isn't fulfilling for me now anyway. There is no replacement for young love, for your first love. So now I just hold out hope for somehow getting a virgin. But good luck with that. Men don't ask for much. Just don't be a slut or a landwhale. But even if I found that, I'd still hate the world for all the wasted years. Women will say "well you've had experience too!" First of all, not as much as any woman I've ever seen since they're all colossal sluts, and secondly, I only had those experiences in the hopes that catching up to these sluts would make me feel a little better about how gross they are. It didn't. I'd much prefer to have only been with one girl, so long as I was the only guy she was ever with too.
I no longer have the means for any sort of revenge, no matter how small or petty. Now, you can say that my revenge was quite extreme, and that I should be satisfied with it, but I'm not. So I guess that brings me to my two main points, to why I bothered to write all this out...
>tl;dr: just be physical with her ASAP, because otherwise you're wasting your time. If you're gonna be with her, it's gonna be right away or not at all. Prolonging it won't work and will only make you feel worse.
>tricking her into drinking your cum will only give you a very minor feeling of satisfaction, and is no replacement for actually touching her.